


The Consequences of Mixing Phoenix Tears with Experimental Snake Antivenin

by elsalovesjack



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Age Difference, Alcohol, Brief Self-Harm, Brief suicide ideation, Discussion of Rape, Drugs, Drunken sex, Dubious Consent Due to Consumption of Alcohol, Explicit Language, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Multi, Murder, OOC, Past Infidelity, Sexual References, Time Travel, Torture, Unplanned Pregnancy, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-05-06 05:47:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 22,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14635352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elsalovesjack/pseuds/elsalovesjack
Summary: Before Albus Dumbledore died, he gave Fawkes an order to take care of Severus Snape throughout the remainder of the war. When Fawkes attempted to fulfill the late Headmaster’s order, he accidentally caused a time travel accident when his tears reacted strangely with the experimental snake antivenin that the spy had just taken. As a result of the accident, the thirty-eight-year-old spy woke up in his eighteen-year-old body twenty years in the past.Doomed to join the Death Eaters again in order to help the side of the Light, Severus told Dumbledore just enough of the truth to get the man to agree to enlist him as a spy and made an Unbreakable Vow never to betray the Order. He also made two demands of Dumbledore in exchange for his spying—that he would keep Severus’ identity as secret as possible from the rest of the Order and that he would never allow Lily Evans to join the vigilante group.Unbeknownst to Severus, his second demand would eventually lead to the breakup of the Wizarding world’s favorite couple, and something else that he had never imagined possible.





	1. Lily

**Author's Note:**

> This story consists of short chapters alternating between Lily and Severus' POVs. There will sometimes be multiple chapters from the same POV before the POV switches again. The POV will be indicated in the chapter title to help avoid any confusion :)
> 
> The story also deals with tough subject matter at times, so please proceed with caution. 
> 
> Anyway, happy reading <3

**Chapter One (Lily)**

 

It was the August after graduation when James broke eighteen-year-old Lily’s heart.

“Marlene’s pregnant.”

“Okay...” Lily said, wondering why her fiancé was telling her about the former Ravenclaw’s pregnancy in such a solemn way.

Shouldn’t he be happy for their friend? She wasn’t married, but that shouldn’t—

“It’s mine.”

With those two words, Lily’s world ended.

She didn’t listen as James pleaded forgiveness; instead she focused on collecting all of her things out of their shared bedroom. There was no way she would continue to stay at Potter Manor.

“Lily, please—“

Lily attempted to close her trunk and grunted in frustration when it resisted. James touched her shoulder and Lily suddenly had her wand in his face.

“Don’t touch me.”

“Lily—“ James said as he released her and fell to his knees. “Lily, I’m sorry. I never meant to—“

Lily studied his face.

James truly did look remorseful.

Maybe—

“Do you love her?” Lily asked.

In that painful moment, Lily was desperate for a way to excuse what James had done. Her love was blinding her. She was so dependent on the confident young man who had pulled her out of her depression during her last years of Hogwarts, that the idea of living without him was almost unbearable. However, if James loved Marlene—

That would be unforgivable.

Sev knew what Lily did to people who did something unforgivable or pushed her too far.

They became dead to her.

Lily pushed all thoughts of her former best friend out of her mind and focused on James’ tear-stained face.

“I—“ he started before swallowing.

“Do you love her?” Lily repeated tonelessly when it became clear that James wasn’t going to continue.

James licked his lips and averted his eyes, and Lily knew the answer.

“Yes,” James breathed.

Lily shut her eyes and finally let the tears fall. She slowly took off her engagement ring and handed it to James. He did not look at her as he took it. Lily used her wand to close her trunk and shrink it. She put it into her pocket and stared down at the weeping James.

“Goodbye, James,” she intoned before Apparating away.

She arrived in her childhood bedroom in Cokeworth and immediately cast a Silencing Charm so that her parents would not hear her sobs and locked the door. She would eventually reveal her presence to them, but she really needed to be alone at the moment.

She left the light off as she sat in the middle of the floor and cried.

The streetlamp outside made her room glow an eerie purple—a result of the light hitting the lavender walls.

She stared at the back of her desk chair and thought about where everything could have possibly gone wrong. James had been happy with her, hadn’t he? Sure, there had been some problems but—

Okay, there had been a lot of problems.

Since the meeting with Headmaster Dumbledore in May where he had rescinded his offer for Lily to join the Order of the Phoenix after graduation, Lily and James had begun to fight constantly. Headmaster Dumbledore had explained that Lily just did not have the heart of a fighter that was needed to be a part of the Order, and Lily had begged the man to reconsider. However, no matter how much she had begged, the Headmaster had refused to relent. When she had returned to the Gryffindor Common Room, she had expected James to be outraged with her, but instead her fiancé had been relieved—he had not wanted her to fight.

After graduation, James had joined the Order with the rest of the Marauders, and things had become even more strained. Lily had spent all of her time alone in Potter Manor while James fought Voldemort. She had been forced to settle into the life of a housewife, a life she had never envisioned for herself, and had focused on planning her wedding in November.

Since she wasn’t working with the Order, Lily had wanted to apply for apprenticeships or find some sort of Wizarding job, however being a Muggleborn in the current political climate made finding any kind of Wizarding apprenticeship or employment extremely difficult. It was frustrating when even employers who normally had no objection to hiring Muggleborns refused to hire them out of fear of what Voldemort would do to them if they did.

Unwilling to just give up and find employment in the Muggle world, Lily had continued searching for a Wizarding job when she wasn’t busy picking out flowers for her wedding or cooking James dinner while the house-elves looked on in horror.  

In the meantime, James had been off being a soldier and apparently shagging fellow Order member, Marlene McKinnon.

As tears continued to stream down her face, Lily gritted her teeth at the thought of the blonde.

Lily understood—she really did. James spent a lot more time with Marlene than he did with Lily since they were both in the Order. They probably had been in a ton of life-or-death situations that accelerated their bonding and—

Lily began to sob in earnest.

She curled up on the floor and buried her face in the fading pink carpet.

She hated James Potter—mostly because she still loved him.

It was impossible to pretend he was dead, just like it had been impossible to pretend Sev was dead two years ago. However, eventually James would be dead to her just like Sev was dead to her. Even though—

Even though, Sev was never too far from her thoughts.

Lily was really shite at pretending people were dead.

She hugged her legs to her chest and gasped for breath.

Lily spent the whole night sobbing, and when the sunlight started to fill her childhood bedroom, she did not even notice. Soon, it was noon, and Lily just felt numb. She sat up and wiped her eyes.

She unshrunk her trunk and started unpacking all of her belongings by hand. She lost herself in the methodical action and began to plan.

She was done with the Wizarding world.

She would take her A-levels and apply to University. She would forget about James Potter and Severus Snape. She would forget about the Wizarding world where people hated her just because of her Muggle heritage—where they wanted to kill her. She would forget the world where she wasn’t considered good enough to fight for what she believed in.

Why didn’t Headmaster Dumbledore think she was good enough anymore?

Why didn’t James think she was good enough?

Why did he love Marlene now?

Once she was done putting her things away, save for the few Wizarding robes that she kept in the trunk before banishing it under her bed, Lily changed her clothes.

She didn’t really pay attention to what she was putting on and when she noticed that she was wearing the horrid floral print bell bottoms her aunt had given her for Christmas the year before, she did not bother to change. However, she did take a moment to cast Glamour on herself when she caught a glimpse of her puffy red eyes and smeared make-up in her vanity mirror. 

Steeling herself for the painful conversation she needed to have with her parents, Lily canceled her Silencing Charm and made her way towards the stairs.

She briefly glanced at Petunia’s old bedroom door and was grateful that her older sister had moved in with her new husband months before.

New husband. Marriage. Weddings.

James.

Lily felt herself tearing up again.

She pushed all thoughts of marriage and weddings out of her mind and wiped her eyes.

After one last fortifying breath, she walked down the stairs.


	2. Severus

**Chapter 2 (Severus)**

 

Severus killed Peter Pettigrew in mid-November during a raid.

It would have been earlier, however Severus had forced himself to bide his time—to wait until the rat had taken the Dark Mark so that all of the Order would know of his treachery. 

He only knew the timing of Pettigrew’s initiation, due to a drunken conversation with Lucius during the Second War. The first time he had lived through 1978, Severus had been unaware that Pettigrew had taken the Dark Mark a mere month after his own initiation.  

Severus looked down at his left arm. It was only his imagination, but he swore he could see the Dark Mark’s outline through the layers of black wool. He clenched his fist and forced his mind away from memories of his second Death Eater initiation—an initiation that was worse than the first since no part of Severus desired the Mark that was seared into his flesh.

Pulling his eyes away from his arm, Severus focused on the masked Pettigrew at his side.

How had he never recognized the squat form and awkward gait during his first time as a new recruit?

How had he been so blind?

“Brothers,” Lucius intoned in a magically disguised voice, and Severus was forced to stop his self-deprecating thoughts. “Tonight we shall—“

Severus rolled his eyes and blocked out Lucius’ speech. At one time, he had found the pompous pure-blood inspiring, however it was unthinkable now. Lucius was nothing but a spoiled twentysomething spouting his late father’s bigoted beliefs. The blond was incapable of thinking for himself.

The spy robotically followed the precession of Death Eaters as they made their way towards the home of a Ministry of Magic official who had defied the Dark Lord one too many times.

Lucius knocked down the door with a blast of magic and ten newly-inducted Death Eaters were set upon the cottage. Severus had already tipped off Dumbledore about the planned raid so the house was deserted. Before Lucius could realize this, the Order arrived and spells were cast.

Once he was certain that the origin of his curse would be lost in the fray, Severus cast a Dark curse at Pettigrew that would liquefy his brain within minutes—whatever little brain the rat possessed.

He felt no remorse for killing the rat in such a brutal and painful manner.

The coward deserved it.

Surely Dumbledore would disagree, but the Headmaster would never know. Some other “inexperienced” Death Eater could have accidentally hit a comrade. Furthermore, until the battle was over and the Order unmasked the fallen Death Eater, nobody in the Order knew that Pettigrew was a traitor. Severus had decided to take punishing the rat who betrayed Lily upon himself. Knowing that Dumbledore would be too merciful, Severus had not even informed the Headmaster of the traitor in the Order’s midst.

Once Pettigrew fell to the ground whimpering, Severus focused on playing the convincing Death Eater. He cast Dark curses left and right, however he only let the less harmful and easily healed ones hit his “targets”.

Unfortunately, neither Potter nor Black were among the Order members the Death Eaters were fighting.

Pity.

He would have loved to send a few painful hexes their way.

Lucius cast the Morsmordre before signaling that they all should Apparate away. Since the idiot Order members forgot to cast anti-Apparition wards, the Death Eaters that were not captured or dead quickly left the cottage in a series of pops.

They arrived in the entrance hall of Lestrange Manor and Lucius ordered them all to keep their masks on—they were not high-ranking enough to be allowed knowledge of the identity of all of their comrades. The masked blond cast an identification spell on the remaining six out of ten recruits and their names were magically listed on a piece of parchment that appeared out of thin air.

The twenty-four-year-old cursed as he read the names of the recruits present in the entrance hall—he apparently had lost one of his favorites. The blond let go of the parchment and quickly cast Incendio to destroy it in a flash of flames.

“Follow me,” Lucius ordered through gritted teeth. The spell he had used to disguise his voice had worn off.

Severus braced himself for what was to come.

Losing such a large percentage of their party on such a simple raid was going to have consequences—painful consequences that not even a member of the inner circle like Lucius could escape. In fact, as the leader of the raid, Lucius could potentially get the worst of the torture.

They were lead into the largest of the Lestrange ballrooms where the Dark Lord was seated at a gaudy throne flanked by Bellatrix and the Lestrange brothers. The vaguely snakelike man stood and surveyed the diminished number of followers before him. His eyes narrowed and he turned his wand of Lucius before the blond could even try to explain why he was missing four of the Death Eaters under his command.

“Crucio,” the Dark Lord hissed, and Lucius’ screams filled the room.

The Dark Lord released Lucius from the curse before moving onto his next victim—a random Death Eater to Severus’ right.

The young man screamed and cried before the Dark Lord turned his wand on Severus.

“Crucio!”

Severus fell to the ground but refused to scream. He Occluded the pain away the best he could, but some still slipped through his defenses. However, after many years as a Death Eater, Severus was used to torture. The mild Cruciatus he was experiencing was nothing compared to—

“Crucio Maxima!”

Alright, that was a lot more painful, but Severus still refused to scream.

The curse stopped abruptly and Severus heard the Dark Lord approach his prone form. Soon, the monster he was bent on killing was looming over him, red-tinged eyes boring into his. The Dark Lord ripped off Severus’ mask before aiming his wand at his servant’s chest.

“Aduro Tergum,” the Dark Lord hissed and Severus’ skin felt like it was on fire.

Severus stared the Dark Lord in the eye as the curse made him want to weep—his whole body was in pain and his nerve endings were on overdrive. All of the skin including his scalp and the delicate skin under his nails felt like it was burning.

Still, Severus did not scream even as tears filled his eyes.

The Dark Lord held the curse for minutes that felt like hours before dropping the curse and smiling down at Severus.

“Arise, young one,” the Dark Lord ordered.

Severus did not dare roll his eyes at the unimaginative moniker the Dark Lord had bestowed on him, nor did he snort at being called “young one” at thirty-eight. Instead, he forced his shaking eighteen-year-old body to sit up and slowly stood before his unwanted master.

“What is your name?”

“Severus Snape.”

“Ah, the half-blood Lucius sponsored—the future Potions Master.”

“Yes, my Lord.”

“How old are you, Severus?”

“Eighteen, my Lord.”

The Dark Lord smiled and ran a hand down Severus’ face lovingly. Severus repressed a shudder.

“Eighteen. So young, yet so controlled,” he murmured before roughly grabbing Severus’ chin and forcing the spy to meet his eyes. “Legilimens!”

The Dark Lord roughly entered Severus’ mind and the seasoned Occlumens easily projected the thoughts that the megalomaniac wanted while letting the man think he was breaking down barriers to find them.

Severus projected thoughts of loyalty to the Dark Lord and hero-worship worthy of the staunchest Quidditch fanatic. He projected hate, greed, and thirst for power—all the while highlighting the fact that he would “rather die than betray his Lord”. After refusing to scream while being tortured in an attempt to impress the Dark Lord, it was now paramount for Severus to ensure that he was not seen as a threat.

When the Dark Lord pulled out of Severus’ mind he smiled.

“Severus, my boy,” he said as his sharp-toothed smile widened. “You are going to be one of my best followers.”

“I would not presume as much, my Lord. However, I will endeavor to—“

“Silence,” the Dark Lord ordered before turning to Lucius. “Lucius, take your protégé to the dining hall. He will be attending tonight’s meeting.”

“Yes, my Lord,” Lucius said before turning wide grey eyes on Severus.

The spy smirked at the stunned blond.

He had just been admitted into the Dark Lord’s inner circle after only a month of being marked.

After a moment, Lucius smirked back at the poor half-blood he had taken a gamble on by sponsoring. He clearly realized that Severus’ success reflected well on him.

“This way, Severus,” the physically older man said before turning on his heal.

Severus followed the blond out of the room as the sound of tortured screams returned to Lestrange Manor.


	3. Lily

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for the views, kudos, and comments :)
> 
> I am so touched that people are taking the time to read this story <3
> 
> I know that many of you are eagerly waiting for Severus and Lily to meet. Unfortunately, there will be a few chapters of buildup before that happens. I'm so sorry to keep you waiting. 
> 
> I hope that you can still enjoy the story~

**Chapter 3 (Lily)**

 

On the day that should have been Lily’s wedding day, Peter Pettigrew was buried. Despite the fact that Lily was “phasing out” her magic and was determined to completely “go Muggle” by the end of the year, she put on her best black Wizarding robes and Apparated to the graveyard.

The funeral was sparsely attended with only Peter’s mother, the rest of the Marauders, Lily, and five others in attendance.

Among the others was an obviously pregnant Marlene.

Marlene Potter.

James had married the mother of his unborn child a week after his engagement to Lily had ended.

Throughout the funeral, Lily avoided looking at the weeping blonde hanging off James’ arm. She focused on Dumbledore as he gave a heartbreaking speech about how “anyone could be lead astray”. It was full of platitudes that barely touched the surface of the fact that Peter had become a Death Eater—a traitor to the Light.

“There was no trace of the Imperius Curse,” a squat elderly witch whispered to her companion.

“Still, Peter was such a lovely young man—“ an equally elderly woman with blue hair began.

“Mabel, the boy was as cowardly as a Hufflepuff.”

“I was a Hufflepuff,” the blue-haired witch hissed. “How dare you—“

Lily blocked out the whispered argument and watched as Peter’s casket was lowered into the ground with magic.

When the ceremony was done, Lily raised her head and saw Remus watching her a few feet away. She gave the kind werewolf a weak smile that he returned before turning to comfort an inconsolable Sirius. The charismatic young man was clearly taking his friends’ betrayal and death hard. Lily watched the way Remus took his inconsolable lover’s hand and whispered into his ear before pulling him in for a hug. After a few moments of embracing, Remus pulled back and kissed Sirius’ forehead.

Watching the two of them made Lily’s heart almost burst with joy despite the terrible circumstances surrounding her.

She was happy that the two of them were finally getting their act together despite the prejudice there still was in both the Wizarding and Muggle worlds when it came to homosexual relationships. According to both men, the fact that they were both still attracted to women had made it even harder for them to open themselves up to an “abnormal” relationship with one another. They had both thought that they could ignore their feelings and be “normal” with women. However, after graduating from Hogwarts and becoming flatmates, they had slowly begun to accept the fact that they had been in love with each other since fourth year.

Lily turned her eyes away from the mourning couple and saw that James and Marlene were watching her from their place beside the lovers. The newlyweds both wore expressions of regret. Lily quickly looked away.

Lily knew that James had never meant to hurt her, and that Marlene was one of the nicest people on the planet if you ignored the whole “fiancé stealing” thing. However, it was too soon for Lily to forgive them—if she could ever forgive them.

Lily was not always a very forgiving person.

In fact, she was certain she would never forgive Sev for—

Lily pulled her cloak tighter around herself as the chilled air swirled around her.

She looked into the distance and an onyx gravestone caught her eye.

Instantly, a pair of similarly colored eyes flashed in her mind. 

She willed the painful image away. 

Why did her thoughts still always go back to Sev?

Sev had openly chosen the Dark Arts and the Death Eaters over her.

Lily’s dissolution of their friendship had never really about being called a “Mudblood” by the angry and humiliated Slytherin. That Lily could have eventually forgiven. A word was just a word. However, the ideologies behind that word were the main reason why she had pushed Sev away. Despite what Sev had seemed to think at the time, it had not been one slur spoken in the heat of the moment that had made Lily chose to walk away from their friendship. It had been the darkness and evil that Sev had been drowning in. It had been the he pure hate that showed in the sadistic spells he scribbled in his potions’ textbook. It had been his eagerness to join the Death Eaters despite the fact that they deemed Lily less than human and were known murderers.

The terrible incident at the end of fifth year had been the straw that had broken the camel’s back.

It was during that horrifying moment that Lily had realized that the Sev she’d always known was truly gone—that he was doomed to be a Death Eater.

However, sometimes—

Sometimes, Lily wondered if she had made the wrong choice back in fifth year.

Maybe, Sev could have been saved if she had stayed by his side a bit longer?

If she had just accepted his apology.

If she had ignored the sting of the slur and everything it represented.

Everyone said things they did not mean in the heat of the moment—

_And I'd wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus._

Lily closed her eyes in a desperate attempt to forget the cruel words she had spat at Sev after he had called her that awful name.

Perhaps, she had overreacted and had given up on her best friend too soon?

It was possible that—

Lily bit her lip until the metallic taste of blood hit her tongue.

Had Sev truly chosen the Death Eaters over her when he called her a “Mudblood”?

Had he really?

No.

Over two years later, it was now so obvious that he hadn’t.

His betrayal was nothing like Peter’s or even James’.

Compared to those two—Sev had done nothing wrong.

Lily thought she was going to be sick.                                                                   

“Miss Evans, are you alright?”

Lily looked up at the kind face of Albus Dumbledore.

“I—“ She licked her lips. “I’m sorry. I really have to go.”

Lily Disapparated on the spot and landed in her bedroom.

After taking a moment to ensure that she hadn’t Splinched herself, Lily threw herself on her bed and allowed herself to cry.

Had losing her friendship been the last thing that pushed Sev into the arms of the Death Eaters? Lily had been his only friend that hadn’t planned on joining the Death Eaters and—okay, maybe that was a bit narcissistic of her to think, but it would make a sad sort of sense.

The eighteen-year-old was certain that Sev was a Death Eater.

During the last two months of seventh year, Sev had gone through a frightening transformation. He had begun to carry himself with a deadly grace, his harsh working-class Northern accent had become a silky version of the Queen’s English seemingly overnight, and the hexes he had begun to use against the Marauders were suddenly both nonverbal and wandless. Furthermore, the volatile emotions that had been once so easy to read on Sev’s face had been suddenly hidden behind a blank mask and his beautiful dark eyes had almost always looked dead.

By the second week of May, the whole school had been convinced that Sev had snuck out of Hogwarts in order to take the Dark Mark before he graduated. Most of the Slytherins had been jealous and the rest of the school horrified. James and Sirius had increased their attacks on Sev to the most since fifth year, and had only gotten multiple injuries for their efforts while Sev had consistently escaped unscathed. Sev’s magic had become so powerful that even the professors started to fear him.

For the rest of the school year, Lily had cried every night for the former best friend she had officially lost to the Death Eaters. However, by the time of the Leaving Feast, Lily had finally processed her grief and went back to attempting to think of Sev as dead.

A dead Sev was better than a Sev who was a Death Eater, but as Lily cried after Peter’s funeral, it was impossible for her to forget that her former best friend was very much alive. It was also impossible for her not to blame herself for the fact that he was now a Death Eater.  

Deep down she knew that it wasn’t her fault but—

At that moment, all she could think about was the fact that she had deemed Severus irredeemable because he had said a stupid word. She thought that maybe, if she had forgiven Sev and had tried harder to save him, he wouldn’t have ever become a Death Eater.

With that thought on her mind, Lily cried herself to sleep.


	4. Lily

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slow-build. I'll try to keep the updates coming since work has been light lately :)
> 
> Thanks for the encouragement everyone <3

**Chapter 4 (Lily)**

 

By December, Lily was still working on “phasing out” her use of magic, and her parents were less than supportive. In their opinion, she was giving up her “God given gift”, and deep down, Lily agreed with them.

Petunia, on the other hand, was pleased with Lily’s decision to give up the “freaky stuff”. The newlywed relished spending Sunday afternoons teaching Lily how to keep house “the right way”, and the redhead went along with the lessons about things she genuinely did not care about. 

Lily felt like a horrible person, but she was so happy that Petunia and her husband, Vernon, were looking at homes in Surrey due to the portly man’s upcoming relocation to a new branch of the company he worked for. These Sunday “lessons” just could not end soon enough.

“Now, if you want to make the silver shine even brighter you rub it counter-clockwise instead of clockwise, but you must keep in mind that making silverware too shiny can lead to your guests dropping their utensils.”

Lily blinked at her older sister.

What she had just said sounded so ridiculous that it had to be made-up.

The redhead nodded in agreement anyway, and Petunia gave her a smug smile.

Lily gave a timid smile back and went to reach for her wand to cast a charm to tell her the time. She caught herself before she had even touched the wand that she still kept in her pocket like a security blanket, and turned around in her chair to look at the clock on the wall.

“Fuck,” she groaned when she saw the time.

“Language!” Petunia chastised, aghast. 

Lily winced. “Sorry, Tuney. I just realized I’m late for work.”

Petunia sniffed. “Considering the fact that you work at that nasty pub, it’s no wonder your language has become so disgraceful. How do you plan to find a proper husband if you curse like a sailor? I know Vernon’s cousin, Humphrey, will not stand for that kind of language—“

“Tuney, I’ve already told you that I am not interested in meeting—“

“He is such a wonderfully _normal_ man. He’s an accountant, you know.”

“Yes, you’ve told me...”

“That’s much better than what that _Potter_ does. He just sits around living off of his freaky family’s money and—“

Lily’s eyes started to water at the thought of her ex-fiancé

“Tuney, I really don’t want to talk about James.”

Petunia looked at the heartbroken younger woman and her gaze softened.

“Of course.”

Lily gave her sister a grateful smile and a brief “goodbye”, before grabbing her coat and hurrying off to work.

The Cokeworth Pub was not a very nice place, but the hours were flexible and the tips were good. It was also only a fifteen minute walk away in the snow, and it made Apparition unnecessary.

Out of all magic, Lily was going to miss Apparition most of all.

She arrived at the pub a half-hour late sporting a red nose and snow-covered hair, however even when her boss berated her out for her tardiness, Lily was still proud of herself for resisting the urge to Apparate.

The first two hours of her shift was relatively slow, and Lily spent most of it waiting on a group of young mill workers who kept staring at her chest. She had thought that her modest blue jumper would prevent those kinds of looks. Apparently, she was wrong.

As the afternoon became night, the pub got busier and Lily started to long for the day when she would be off at university studying literature and hopefully working part-time at the university library. She imagined meeting a nice Muggle man there who did not know her as the former Hogwarts Head Girl who used to be best friends with a Death Eater or engaged to James Potter. He’d study chemistry and have dark eyes and long dark hair and—

“Lily, stop dallying and go check on your customers,” the bartender ordered.

The eighteen-year-old forced her thoughts away from tall dark men who did not necessarily have to be handsome, and focused on her work for the rest of her shift.

When her shift finally ended, it was ten o’clock and Lily gave in to the urge to Apparate back to her parents’ house. She spent some time watching telly with them before heading up to her childhood bedroom and studying for her A-levels until dawn, because while she loved her years at Hogwarts, they did not prepare her for taking a test that covered basic Muggle subjects.

Lily fell asleep on top of the math textbook that she had purchased at a secondhand bookstore, and woke up the next morning to find that she had drooled all the formulas she was studying and had wrinkled a few of the pages. When she looked in the bathroom mirror, she also saw that she had creases from the textbook imprinted into the skin of her left cheek.

“Lovely,” Lily groaned before jumping in the shower.

By the time Lily was back in her bedroom brushing her gardenia-scented hair, there were two owls at her window.

She recognized both of them.

The barn owl was Sirius and Remus’.

The snowy owl belonged to James.

She refused to cry at the sight of those owls and opened her window. The blast of cold air made her shiver as she took a letter off of each owl and sent them on their way without treats. Closing the window took a bit more effort than opening it, but she managed.

Her hands shook as she held the two now wrinkled letters and situated herself on the bed. She set James’ letter on her bedside table and it mocked her as she attempted to focus her attention on the letter written in Remus’ handwriting.

 

_Dear Lily,_

_I hope that you are doing well. I’m sorry I did not get a chance to speak to you at the funeral. Sirius is taking Peter’s death and the situation surrounding it very hard and—okay, I really should have contacted you months before the funeral. It’s just...I didn’t know what to say. There. That’s my lame excuse. I didn’t know what to say and Sirius is too much of a git to realize that writing you might be a good idea. Merlin, I love that bloke, but he’s so dense..._

_Anyway, Lily, I just want you to know that neither Sirius nor I knew about James’ affair. Both of us were also blindsided by it, and I’m sorry if our lack of communication with you lately has made you feel like we took James’ side._

_We didn’t._

_You know how Sirius feels about cheating after watching his parents cheat on each other for years, and I love you like a sister..._

 

Lily stopped reading Remus’ letter and wiped her eyes.

Despite what Remus had written in his letter, he and Sirius had taken James’ side.

She had not expected any different, but seeing pictures of them in the Prophet at James and Marlene’s small wedding—it had hurt.

When she had started dating James, she had stopped hanging out with her own friends and the Marauders had become the only friends she—

Lily furiously crumpled the letter and then banished it.

She didn’t need friends and she definitely didn’t need James.

With a flick of her wand at her bedside table, she destroyed James’ unopened letter in a cloud of ashes.

Sev had invented that spell when—

Sev.

Lily didn’t need him either.

Putting her wand in the pocket of her jeans and vowing to do her best not to use magic for the rest of the week, Lily stood and prepared to go Christmas shopping with her mother.


	5. Severus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second chapter of the day.
> 
> So, please read the previous chapter if you missed it :)

**Chapter 5 (Severus)**

 

During Hogwarts’ winter break, Severus found himself spending an inordinate amount of time with the Hogwarts Headmaster despite the fact that he was thankfully no longer a student or member of the staff.

Subsequently, he had also been imbibing far too much Polyjuice potion containing the hair of random elderly Muggles and introducing himself to the members of the Hogwarts staff as fictional people with dull names like “John” or “William”. Tonight, he was a stocky grey-haired “Herbologist” who had insisted that Flitwick call him “Paul”.

As he waited for the Headmaster to debrief him, Severus glared at the blasted phoenix that had caused him to relive his miserable life.

“Regulus Black and Mary Macdonald have been moved to a long-term safe house. They will finish their seventh year via tutor and take their N.E.W.T.s after Tom is vanquished,” Dumbledore said at last.

Severus nodded and took a sip of his tea.

He looked around the Headmaster’s office, and once again thanked Merlin that it was no longer his—it would hopefully never become his. He had no desire to teach again, yet alone become Headmaster.

“How is Miss Macdonald fairing? I imagine that the murder of her whole family on Christmas Eve was quite traumatizing,” he pinched the bridge of his nose. “I had not been aware of the identity of the Muggleborn we were attacking until the last minute and—“

“Severus, don’t be so hard on yourself,” Dumbledore said firmly. “You did the best you could and you saved that girl’s life.”

The spy scowled into his tea. The Macdonald family had never been attacked during the first time he had lived through the First War. It was obvious that the changes he had made had lead to the deaths of four Muggles.

The Headmaster looked at Severus with a soft gaze—the spy could tell that the old man had grown to care for him in the last few months. Severus didn’t want to admit it, but once again having the affection of the man he had been forced to kill, on top of having the Headmaster alive and well, made his heart warm with a feeling that he seldom felt.

“Severus, you are not what I had perceived you to be during your schooling. Once again I must—“

The spy held up a hand.

“I swear to Merlin, if you fucking apologize for ‘misjudging’ me one more time, I’ll be forced to lace your lemon drops with the most heinous non-lethal potion I can think of.”

Dumbledore sat back and chuckled.

“Understood, my boy.”

Severus nodded curtly and took a sip of his bitter tea.

“Do Regulus’ parents believe the story of his death?” Severus asked. “A botched Dark ritual in the Forbidden Forest is a bit far-fetched, and claiming that the body was turned to ashes is a little too convenient of an explanation.”

Dumbledore took a sip of his own tea before answering.

“They do, although I took it upon myself to inform Sirius that his younger brother lives. Another apparent death of someone close to him so soon after Peter’s death would have broken the young man.”

“And that would have been such a _pity_ ,” Severus sneered.

Dumbledore ignored his tone. “Yes, it would have been.”

Severus rolled his eyes.

“I must ask you Severus,” the Headmaster said after a few beats of silence. “How did you know that young Regulus would be receptive to going into hiding? Outwardly, he has always appeared to be one of Tom’s most willing recruits.”

“It was a lucky guess,” Severus said truthfully.

Regulus’ disappearance during the first time Severus had lived through the First War had always seemed like a defection. Cornering the seventh year during one of his Hogsmeade weekends and giving him the choice between a safe house or Obliviation, had been a bit risky. However, the end result was worth it. Regulus Black would never become a Death Eater.

“Well, I’m glad your guess was correct.”

“Indeed,” Severus said with a barely repressed roll of the eyes. “I assume that you have taken it upon yourself to ensure that both Miss Macdonald and Regulus keep my involvement with their placement in a safe house a secret?”

Miss Macdonald had been “killed” by Severus during the raid on her home, using a stunner disguised as a deadly curse, and the spy had been unable to Obliviate the traumatized young woman for fear of injuring her brain beyond repair. In regards to Regulus, the brat had blocked his attempt to Obliviate him moments before his Portkey to the safe house had activated.

“They will both start studying Occlumency immediately. They have also taken vows not to reveal the identity of their savior until Tom’s demise.”

Severus glowered. “I am no savior.”

“Whatever you say, my boy,” the Headmaster said with an infuriating twinkle.

The spy huffed and set down his tea on the Headmaster’s desk before crossing his arms.

“I take you placed both Miss Macdonald and Regulus in the same safe house?”

“Yes. They are in the same year, and though they are not friends as of yet, I think that having someone relatively familiar around will help them cope with life in hiding.”

“That theory has merit, however let’s hope their hormones do not get the best of them. You put two teenagers in a confined area and the next thing you know—“

Dumbledore burst out laughing.

“Severus, you do realize that you too are a teenager?”

“Unfortunately.”

The Headmaster chuckled.

Ignoring the older man’s mirth and ignorance about his true age, Severus brought the conversation back to important matters.

Severus pulled a destroyed horcrux out of his robes.

“I found this in Lucius Malfoy’s library,” Severus said as he set the second horcrux he had been able to locate so far besides the blasted snake Nagini who he couldn’t kill yet. “I destroyed it with Fiendfyre on a nearby moor before I arrived tonight.”

Dumbledore examined the destroyed diary in awe.

The residual Dark Magic left no question to what the item was.

“How did you find—“

“I happened upon it by chance.”

The old man gave Severus a piercing look. He was obviously having trouble rationalizing Severus’ unnaturally mature behavior along with the spy’s explanation about his knowledge of the Dark Lord’s horcruxes.

His general explanation of “Lucius Malfoy is a chatty drunk and I have a strange knack for locating extremely dark objects,” was not very believable even with Severus’ top-notch acting skills and use of Occlumency. When Severus had taken Dumbledore on a mission to retrieve Salazar Slytherin’s locket and replace it with a fake, the Headmaster had been suspicious. Now, after finding another horcrux “by chance” and destroying it—

“There is something you aren’t telling me.”

Severus raised an eyebrow at the Headmaster, but his Polyjuiced appearance lessoned its effect.

“I have no clue what you mean,” Severus lied.

“Tom’s horcruxes—“

“Are being destroyed. Shouldn’t that be all that matters?”

Hard blue eyes met blank black for a few tense seconds before the Headmaster looked away and sighed.

“I wish you would trust me,” he said sadly.

“I am not a trusting person,” Severus said as he took another sip of his Polyjuice from a dented flask he had nicked from his father when he was thirteen.

He stood, and with one last nod to Dumbledore, he left the Headmaster’s office through the fireplace.

“The Leaky Cauldron,” he drawled, not daring to Floo directly to his home at Spinner’s End due to the danger of establishing a direct Floo connection between his home and Hogwarts.

He disappeared in a flash of green flames.


	6. Lily

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the third chapter of the day.
> 
> So, please read the previous two chapters if you missed them :)

**Chapter 6 (Lily)**

 

Lily hated New Year’s Eve.

She wasn’t much of a drinker or a partier, and since alcohol and parties seemed to go hand in hand with the holiday—Lily was destined to loathe it.

Tonight, she loathed it more than usual because it was her last night as a witch.

After tonight, she was going to snap her wand and give up the Wizarding world for good.

The thought made Lily want to cry.

She had to work that night, because she had been the lucky barmaid who had gotten Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off, as well as Boxing Day because of a scheduling mix-up. Lily had spent those three days wrapped in a fuzzy green dressing gown and spending time with her parents while desperately trying to pretend she was eight instead of eighteen.  

Lily took a moment to adjust the green party dress she was wearing and scowled in the employee restroom’s mirror. Since it was a holiday, everyone working was expected to “dress for the occasion”. Christmas Eve through Boxing Day, that meant wearing ridiculous Santa hats. For New Year’s Eve, that meant party dresses for the women and suits for the men so that they could “look like one of them posh places”. Lily had even been forced to put on extra makeup because her boss had decided she did not look “posh enough” with the light makeup she had on. Luckily, one of her coworkers had some makeup in her purse for Lily to use so she hadn’t had to call her mother and ask her to bring her some or risk casting a Glamour. 

Lily silently listed all of the reasons why her boss was an idiot, as she tied a black apron around her waist, before exiting the restroom and getting to work.

The Cokeworth Pub full of inebriated customers—most of which were from the “bad side” of town where the failing mill was.

Severus lived on the “bad side” of town. At least, he had before he had become a Death Eater. Lily really couldn’t imagine a Death Eater continuing to live in a Muggle neighborhood, even if it was Sev.

Lily frowned, forced her thoughts away from Severus Snape, and focused on her job.

Working on New Years’ Eve was just as torturous as Lily had anticipated. It was busy, crowded, far too loud, and the whole time she just kept thinking about how it was her last night to do magic. She wanted to be at home casting charms and brewing potions and—

The door to the pub opened and sent a gust of cold air and snow into the overheated building. Lily looked up and couldn’t breathe.

Sev.

It was Sev standing in the doorway and for a moment Lily thought it was a Death Eater attack. She reached for her wand in the hidden pocket she had added to the dress when she had bought it the year before. Her hand had just brushed the wood when Lily realized that Sev was wearing a grey Muggle coat and looked to be drunk.

She numbly watched him stagger to the bar and snap at the bartender on duty.

“Ran out of Firewhisky,” he said.

The bartender, Bill, blinked.

“Firewhisky?”

“Ah...you’re a Muggle,” Sev said with a sage nod.

Lily was surprised that a Death Eater could say the word “Muggle” in a way that sounded almost kind—understanding.

“A what?”

Sev waved away the question. “Get me a whisky. The cheap stuff.”

“You got it,” Bill said, shaking his head at the skinny teenager’s nonsensical ramblings.

Lily could not help but watch Sev at the bar with a sick fascination throughout her shift. She stayed out of his line of sight as she served food and drinks to the endless flow of customers. She studied Sev as he spent three hours nursing two glasses of whisky and glowering at the festivities going on around him, before a fellow barmaid, Nancy, confronted her in the kitchen.

“Why do you keep staring at that ugly boy at the bar?”

Lily bristled. “Sev’s not ugly! He’s...” Lily trailed off as she stared at the greasy hair that hung in clumps around her former best friend’s face. “He’s just not overly concerned with hygiene.”

The older woman in her thirties raised a dark eyebrow that clashed with her bleached blonde hair.

“Sev?”

“Yeah...”

“Ex-boyfriend?”

“What? Why would you think—“

“You keep staring at him while trying your best to stay out of his sight.”

“I—“

“Look, I don’t have time for your teenage drama, so I’m gonna improvise,” Nancy said to Lily before turning to the cook. “Hey John, does the boss still hide the good stuff back here?”

John shrugged one of his hulking shoulders. “There’s some expensive vodka and a few French wines in the cabinet behind you. Don’t know why the boss buys that stuff when nobody in this town can afford it...”

Nancy turned to the locked cabinet behind her and pulled a bobby pin out of her messy updo. Within a minute, she had broken into the cabinet and stolen the unopened bottle of vodka before locking it back up.

Lily watched transfixed as the woman opened the bottle and took a swig before handing it to her.

“Uh...”

“Come on, Red,” Nancy said, using the unimaginative nickname that Lily detested. “We deserve it for working on a holiday and all. Plus, it will help you.”

“Help me?”

“Yeah,” Nancy said before taking another swig. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand smearing her pink lipstick before explaining. “It will calm you down and get you to stop acting like my great-aunts’ chihuahua. You’re so jittery tonight and it’s driving me nuts.”

Lily bit her lip and eyed the offered bottle warily. “I don’t really like alcohol...”

“So? Just take a quick swig. It takes two seconds. You’ll barely taste it.”

The cook snorted behind Nancy. “You’ll feel it though. Burns like bloody—”

“John, stop trying to scare the girl,” Nancy snapped as she set the bottle on a nearby table and made her way over to the cook who also happened to be her ex-husband. “You always try to undermine me.”

“No, I don’t—“

As the two began to argue, Lily grabbed the bottle of vodka and started drinking it before she lost her nerve. She really needed to calm down or she’d never make it through her shift and—

Oh Merlin, the vodka was awful. It burned her mouth and throat. Her tongue felt like it was shriveling up and her eyes began to water. However, she kept drinking it.

She needed to calm down. She needed seeing Sev to stop making her heart ache. She needed—

“Jesus Christ,” Nancy shouted as she finally noticed Lily chugging the vodka. She rushed over and pulled the bottle out of Lily’s hand. She held the bottle up to her face before looking at Lily in horror. “You drank almost half the bottle.”

“I—“ Lily liked her dry lips. “I’m sorry. I just...”

“Red, this stuff is really strong. You can’t just—“

“Where the fuck are my barmaids?” the pub owner, Mr. Higgins, demanded as he barreled his way to the kitchen.

Nancy hid the stolen vodka just in time, and Lily followed the older woman out of the kitchen.

As the night went on Lily, began to realize that she was probably drunk. Working was almost impossible, but the celebrating customers did not seem to notice the way she was staggering around the pub. However, Mr. Higgins did.

He pulled her aside a half-hour before midnight.

“Do this again, girl,” he growled at her. His breath smelled like cabbage. “And you’re fired.”

Lily nodded dumbly.

Mr. Higgins squinted at her before sighing. “Go sit at the bar and wait for Nancy’s shift to be over. I can’t have you walking home in the state you’re in and I sure as hell ain’t driving yah.”

“Thank you,” Lily mumbled as she was lead to the only empty seat in the pub.

A seat that was right beside Sev.

Lily’s mind was too fuzzy for her to properly panic, as Mr. Higgins roughly forced her to sit down before storming away.

“Red, are you alright?” the bartender, Bill, asked.

Sev finally turned to look at her.

His bleary eyes widened, and Lily felt her heart begin to race.

“I’m uh...” Lily snapped her head away from Sev and focused on the scratched wood of the bar. “I’m fine. I just had a bit too much to drink.”

Bill nodded and then went to go serve a customer at the other end of the bar.

Lily bit her lip until it bled and focused on not looking at Sev.

She could feel him watching her and her hands began to shake. She put them in her lap and clenched them into fists until her nails created half-moon indents in her palms.

She was too drunk to think clearly—to force herself to stand and run out of the pub. She needed to get away from the former best friend who had broken her heart by joining the Death Eaters. However, all she could do was stare at the etching on the bar counter that read “Pete loves Eliza” and hope that Sev didn’t recognize her.

When he cleared his throat, she knew that her hope had been futile.


	7. Severus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Severus is very drunk during this chapter. Therefore, he is extra OOC. 
> 
> Just a warning :)

**Chapter 7 (Severus)**

 

After he cleared throat, the barmaid’s head turned to face Severus. The drunken spy instantly regretted getting the young woman’s attention and looked away. He had noticed earlier that night that barmaid looked like Lily, but up-close the resemblance was so great that it was painful. 

It wasn’t Lily though.

Lily was married to James Potter now, off living in Potter Manor and trying to conceive a brat who would look just like his bastard of a father with Lily’s beautiful green eyes. Severus had avoided reading the Prophet since he had graduated from Hogwarts for the second time, in an attempt to avoid seeing articles about the Wizarding world’s favorite couple. Seeing those heartbreaking things once had been more than enough—he had refused to live through that again.

The barmaid was wearing more makeup than Lily ever did and she seemed to be a slightly drunk—something that Lily, as a teetotaler, never was. However, she bit her lip like Lily did and looked to be around the same age—late teens. Maybe early twenties, but that was pushing it.

The barmaid was far too young for him.

Severus was twice her age despite his teenage appearance.

What he was thinking about doing—

Well, if he was sober, he would not be thinking about doing it.

Severus Snape did not chat up women in pubs. If he wanted that kind of company he saved himself the humiliation and went somewhere he could pay for it. He was pathetic like that. He was almost thirty-nine years old and he had never attempted to chat up a woman in a pub—not even once.

He scowled into his whisky.

He was determined to finally chat up a woman tonight.

The pretty young barmaid would never be receptive to his attempts at flirting, so practicing on her would be harmless. Later, he would look for an older woman who looked desperate enough to bed a spotty teenager with crooked teeth and a nose he would never grow into.

He downed his drink and turned to face the barmaid who was staring at her hands.

“Can I buy you a drink?” Severus asked stiffly.

The barmaid turned and wide green eyes, the _exact_ same shade as Lily’s, met his.

“Umm...”

Severus looked down at his empty glass.

“It’s fine.”

“What?”

Severus kept his eyes on his glass. “The drink. You can just say ‘no’. I won’t be offended. You don’t know me and—“

“I don’t know you?“ the barmaid asked, sounding genuinely confused for some reason.

Severus continued as if the young woman hadn’t spoken. “You’re far too beautiful for me to even think about—“

“I’m what?” the barmaid asked in confusion.

Severus looked over at the young women and glared. “You’re beautiful. Surely you know that.”

“I—“

“Are you related to Lily Evans?”

Severus frowned as the barmaid gaped like a fish. It was an unbecoming but very Lily-like expression. Once the spy realized this, his frown turned into a smirk.

“You really look like her. It’s uncanny.”

“Yes,” the young woman breathed.

It took a moment for Severus’ drunken brain to register that had spoken.

He furrowed his brow. “So, you are related to her?”

“To who?”

“Lily Evans,” Severus repeated with far more patience than he would have if sober. However, if he had been sober, he would have already realized that the person he was talking to _was_ Lily Evans.

“Oh,” the young woman hesitated. “No. Not really.”

“Not really?”

“Yes.”

The young woman was either a dunderhead or more drunk than Severus had thought.

“I see,” Severus said before standing as gracefully as his inebriated body allowed. “Well, it was a pleasure talking to you.”

He moved to walk around the pub and look for a more appropriate woman to chat up, but a small hand on his wrist stopped him.

He looked down in confusion before meeting the Lily lookalike’s eyes.

She blushed and let go of his wrist.

“Sorry, I uh...I just....”

“Yes?” Severus raised an eyebrow.

“Um...I’ll take that drink.”

Severus blinked. “What?”

“The drink...you asked if you could buy me one...and...I just...um...”

“You want me to buy you a drink?”

“Yes?”                                                                                          

“Why?”

“Um...you’re nicer than I expected.”

Severus snorted. “Well, that’s a first. Usually, people think the opposite.”

“Oh...”

Severus sat down and motioned for the bartender. The middle-aged man came over and he ordered another whisky. The spy then turned to look at the Lily lookalike expectantly.

“I’ll just have...can I just get a fizzy drink?”

Her question made her seem so _young_ , and Severus felt like a lecher.

Severus gave the bartender a questioning look.

The man cleared his throat and glared at Severus threateningly.

“Red, can have whatever she likes,” he grumbled at Severus before addressing the young woman. “What kind do you want?”

“Surprise me.”

The bartender gave her a fond look. “Orange Fanta it is then.”

The young woman blushed, but Severus didn’t notice. He was too busy thinking about the fact that Orange Fanta had been Lily’s favorite fizzy drink—was Lily’s favorite fizzy drink. She wasn’t dead anymore. She was alive with Potter and was happy and safe. She was trying for a baby and would soon be the mother she had always dreamed of being. She—

The bartender returned shortly with their drinks and handed the Lily lookalike’s drink to her with a smile before slamming Severus’ drink in front of him.

The man was clearly overprotective of his coworker.

Severus took a sip of his whisky before turning to the young woman.

“My name’s Severus,” the spy said, belatedly introducing himself to his companion. “Am I correct in assuming that ‘Red’ is a nickname?”

The young woman started to choke on her drink. Severus moved to pat her back, but the barmaid managed to quickly compose herself without his assistance. She cleared her throat and took a slow sip of her drink before finally answering his question.

“It’s a nickname. I don’t like it very much, but I’m stuck with it.”

“I can relate. I’ve had many unpleasant monikers over the years.”

_Snivellus._

Severus Occluded away all thoughts of his wretched childhood nickname.

“That’s—“ the barmaid began with tears in her eyes.

Whatever the young woman was about to say was cut off by the sound of a pub full of drunken imbeciles counting down to midnight.

“Ten!” the crowd screamed.

“Oh, god. Are they seriously doing this?” Severus scoffed.

The barmaid gave him a watery smile.

“Nine!”

“This is why I usually drink alone on New Year’s Eve instead of with a bunch of imbeciles.”

Her smile widened.

“Eight!”

“The tradition of counting down to midnight is just plain idiotic.”

She snorted.

“Seven!”

“It’s impossible to know when the New Year truly begins.”

The look in her eyes became fond.

“Six!”

“Furthermore, the idea of a ‘new year’ is just a construct.”

She tilted her head.

“Five!”

“Who are we to decide how to divide time?”

She shrugged.

“Four!”

“This tradition was probably invented by the French.”

She rolled her eyes.

“Three!”

“Why am I insulting the French?”

She smirked.

“Two!”

“God, I’m drunk.”

She nodded.

“One!”

“I—“

She cut him off with a kiss.

“Happy New Year!”

Severus kissed back.


	8. Severus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warning: Referenced dubious consent and rape. Brief self-harm.*
> 
> This is the second chapter of the day.
> 
> So, please read the previous chapter if you missed it :)

**Chapter 8 (Severus)**

 

Severus was numb.

The naked barmaid sleeping in his bed was a teenage Lily Potter.

It had been an hour since Severus had woken up from his drunken stupor and realized this. All it had taken was one look at the young woman’s sleeping face for him to know that it was Lily and not some lookalike.

Now, he was standing in the corner of his rundown bedroom in nothing but a pair of black trousers and staring at the debauched angel in his bed. 

How could he have been so drunk that he did not realize that the woman he was shagging was Lily?

Lily.

He had shagged Lily.

He fished a pack of Muggle cigarettes out of his trouser pocket and pulled out a cigarette. He brought it to his lips and lit it with his wand. His lungs burned as he took a drag and he resisted the urge to make a face of distaste. He had given up smoking in his late twenties; however, he had taken up the habit again when he had found himself suddenly eighteen and twenty years in the past. He took another drag—the rekindled habit wasn’t going to last much longer, but he needed something to calm his nerves.

Severus kept his eyes on Lily as he smoked, memorizing the way she looked tangled in his sheets—an image he would never see again.

Once she woke up and realized that she had cheated on her husband with him of all people she was going to—

Severus banished the cigarette and pinched the bridge of his nose.

She was going to be horrified.

In Severus’ defense, he was horrified as well.

Lily would only have ever deigned to touch him if she was significantly drunk. Even in his own drunkenness, Severus had not failed to realize that the “lookalike” he was snogging seemed to be a little inebriated. However, he had no idea that the young woman was so impaired that her apparent consent to sexual activity was invalid.

Lily would have never consented to have sex with him if she had been in her right mind.

The way Severus saw it, he had raped her.

Severus’ Occlumency shields fell at the trauma that realization caused.

For the first time since Lily’s death, his mind was completely defenseless, and the horror and remorse he felt due to what he had just done filled his mind and tore at his soul. Tears filled his eyes and he let out strangled sob before rushing out of the bedroom. He made it to his dingy bathroom just in time for the contents of his stomach to empty into the stained toilet.

He retched until he was only dry-heaving.

There was a shuffling sound at the bathroom door, and he turned to find a fearful looking Lily wrapped in a sheet and clutching her wand.

“Are you alright? I heard—”

“Oh god...I’m sorry,” Severus choked out. He moved away from the toilet until his back was to the wall. He brought his knees to his chest and tried in vain to calm his breathing. “I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry...I never meant...I didn’t mean—“

His voice cracked and he began to sob uncontrollably.

“I’m a monster,” he gasped before curling in on himself.

Severus distantly registered the sound of soft footsteps, the creaking of the bathroom cabinet, and the sound of potion vials clinking together.

He flinched when a small hand touched his shoulder, but the pressure of the hand remained.

“Sev, look at me,” Lily ordered softly but firmly.

Severus obeyed because she had called him “Sev” and he could never deny her anything.

The look on her face is not what he expected. Instead of hatred and fear all he saw was confusion and worry.

He didn’t deserve to have her look at him with anything but loathing.

He began to shake.

“Sev, you need to calm down and drink this,” she said as she took her hand off his shoulder and uncorked a vial of Calming Draught.

She knelt down beside him and brought the vial to his lips, and he drank it reflexively. He instantly felt slightly calmer but the potion was no match for the tumultuous emotions he was feeling. With his Occlumency shields down, not only did he feel remorse for what he had just done to Lily, but he was also overwhelmed with remorse for every horrible thing he had ever done.

His mind kept swirling through images of people he had murdered and tortured. Memories of creating potions and spells that lead to hundreds of deaths made him claw at the skin of his chest. He shifted away from Lily as his mind forced him to relive calling her a “Mudblood”. He started to hyperventilate when he remembered the prophecy he had told the Dark Lord—how he was responsible for Lily’s death.

The screams of the students under his care that he had tortured with the Carrows filled his ears. He moved his hands away from his now bloody skin and covered his ears in an attempt to block out the sound. He saw the hurt in the Potter brat’s Lily-green eyes every time he belittled him, his Avada Kedavra hitting Albus Dumbledore in the chest, Charity Burbage begging him to save her, George Weasley’s ear being severed, the Potter brat collecting the memories that would lead him to his death, and countless other things he desperately wanted to forget. He closed his eyes but the torturous images were still there.

He started screaming.

It was a pained guttural sound—inhuman.

He forgot Lily was there.                                                                                                                                  

There was only pain, darkness, and the cursed Mark on his arm.

After minutes that felt like hours, an idea came to him that made his screaming stop.

He struggled to pull his wand out of his trouser pocket and turned it on the inside of his left forearm. The sting of the slicing hex did nothing to alleviate his suffering. He watched numbly as the remnants of the Dark Mark dripped with blood before the rest of the Mark began to regenerate.

He hit it with a stronger hex that cut to the bone and smirked when the Mark took a little longer to begin to heal.

Severus lifted his wand again, but before he could cast an even stronger hex on his arm, Lily hit him in the chest with a Stunner.

Even in his unconsciousness, there was no peace.


	9. Lily

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warning: Referenced dubious consent and rape. Aftermath of self-harm.*
> 
> This is the third chapter of the day.
> 
> So, please read the previous two chapters if you missed them :)

**Chapter 9 (Lily)**

 

Lily couldn’t stop crying.

Sev was insane.

She stared at the Stunned young man lying on the blood covered tile floor through a haze of tears.

Her eyes focused on the Dark Mark—the proof that Sev was truly and undeniably a Death Eater. She had no doubt in her mind that the vile thing was the source of Sev’s madness. She continued to stare at it as she clutched her wand tighter. The hideous black curse marring Sev’s pale skin was once again completely whole despite the slicing hexes it had received. Even the blood that had been smeared all over his arm had reabsorbed into the skin. However, the blood that had hit the floor remained.

There was so much blood on the floor, filling the room with its sickly metallic scent.

Lily gagged.

Her head was pounding with a fierce hangover and she was shivering from the cold.

She stared at the blood for another long moment, chastising herself for not stopping Sev from hurting himself sooner.

She had been in shock and—

Dropping her sheet, heedless of her nudity, she sprang into action.

Lily searched his bathroom cabinet for Blood-Replenishing Potion and rushed over to Sev one the correct vial was in her hands. She lifted him up and forced the potion down the unconscious man’s throat—rubbing his neck to help him swallow. She gently laid him back down and used her wand to cast the diagnostic spell that Sirius had taught her to use on Remus after full moons.

A map of Sev’s vital signs glowed over her ex-best friend’s rapidly rising and falling chest before disappearing. She knew the range of normal for both humans and werewolves, and Sev’s heartrate was even too high for a werewolf.

Lily bit her lip as her mind went into overdrive.

Sev needed to go to St. Mungos, but due to the Dark Mark on his arm, they would send him to Azkaban the moment he was stable.

She twisted her hands together.

Part of her knew that Sev deserved to go to Azkaban, since he was a Death Eater and had probably done horrible things. However, another part of her wanted to protect Sev. That part of her still saw him as the little boy who had told her about magic—the little boy she had been mourning since the end of fifth year.

She thought briefly about calling a Muggle ambulance. Muggles would just assume that Sev’s Dark Mark was a tattoo, and—

No.

That wouldn’t work.

The Dark Mark had made Sev insane, and only a Healer or someone adept in Healing magic could help him.

Could Sev even be helped?

Lily looked down at her lap in defeat. She noticed the blood that she was kneeling in and hastily stood up. She cast a Cleaning Charm on both herself and the floor. She stood and cast another diagnostic spell on Sev.

The results were even worse than the first.

She ran a hand through her messy hair and made a decision.

Using a memory of Sev teaching her how to ride his mother’s old broom, she sent a Patronus to Headmaster Dumbledore that begged him to come to 300 Spinner’s End in Cokeworth, England. In her haste, she forgot to tell the Headmaster why she needed his help until her doe was already prancing out the door in a shot of light.

She knelt down on the now clean floor and brought Sev’s head to her lap. She smoothed his greasy hair and began mumbling reassurances that the unconscious man couldn’t hear. They made her feel better though.

“Dumbledore will heal you and keep you safe. If you defect from the Death Eaters, he can hide you. You can make potions for the Order and...”

Lily remembered her nudity.

“Fuck,” she sighed.

If Dumbledore came, he would see her naked and—

She didn’t care.

She wasn’t going to leave Sev.

However, realizing that she had Sev’s head in her naked lap made her blush despite her panic. She summoned the discarded sheet and cast a Cleaning Charm on it. Then, she used magic to wrap it around herself and under Sev’s head. When the sheet was in place it looked like a toga.

Satisfied that the makeshift garment wasn’t going to slip or come undone, she focused her full attention on Sev’s unnaturally pale face. His eyes were rapidly moving beneath the lids and his mouth was open in a silent scream. A splash of liquid hit Sev’s cheek, and Lily realized that she was crying all over him.

She wiped furiously at her eyes.

Where was the Headmaster?

She looked back down at Sev and her thoughts went back to the night before.

Why had she kissed him?

Why had she shagged him?

Why had she wanted to do both of those things in the first place?

Sure, she had been very drunk, but there was more to it. There had been the overwhelming relief that Sev seemed...well, that he still seemed like Sev. He hadn’t seemed evil like she had imagined the Death Eater version of Sev to be. There had also been the loneliness that Lily had felt since her split from James.

Sev had been at the pub being his snarky old self, and Lily had instantly felt like she was nine years old again with an innocent crush on her first close male friend. The crush hadn’t lasted very long, and at the time, she was too young to fully understand why she had butterflies in her stomach every time she met with the moody little boy from Spinner’s End. It wasn’t until years later that she realized Sev was her first love—when looking at James had started to fill her stomach with the distantly familiar butterflies instead of loathing.

She stroked a thumb over one of Sev’s dark eyebrows and his head turned towards the touch.

Why hadn’t Sev recognized her last night?

Maybe he had recognized her and had just pretended that—                                                  

No.

If Sev had recognized her, he would have looked through her like she was nothing to him, or with such an intense gaze that she reflexively put up the rudimentary Occlumency shields he had taught her months before their friendship had ended.

Lily sucked in a painful breath at the thought that she had taken advantage of Sev when he had been too drunk to even recognize her.

Suddenly, touching Sev seemed like a violation, and she moved to set his head on the ground and cast a Cushioning Charm—

Sev’s eyes snapped open.

Lily’s fearful green eyes met two dark pools of black, and her mind was assaulted with memories that weren’t her own.


	10. Lily

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the fourth chapter of the day.
> 
> So, please read the previous three chapters if you missed them :)

**Chapter 10 (Lily)**

 

Lily could not escape the unfamiliar memories flooding her mind...

_A sixteen-year-old Sev was sitting in his childhood bedroom staring at a picture of her. "The posh Mudblood finally drop you?” the cruel voice of Mrs. Snape asked. “Don’t call her that! Don’t say that word! Don’t ever—“_

_Sev was shaking on a bed in the Hogwarts Hospital Wing. “Now, Mr. Snape, you must understand that you cannot tell anyone what has happened. Mr. Black has expressed his regret for the danger he put both you and Mr. Lupin in with his little prank. He will receive detention for what he has done. However, if you breathe a word of this—you will be expelled. We must do what’s best for Mr. Lupin’s wellbeing. We cannot allow the Ministry to learn of this incident,” Headmaster Dumbledore said coldly. Severus’ jaw clenched and his shaking hands balled into fists. “Black tried to kill me. He knew Lupin was a werewolf and tricked me—I almost died. Lupin almost ate me and you don’t care. I’m not a Gryffindor so you don’t care!”_

_It was Valentine’s Day and a seventh year Sev scowled at the Gryffindor table, but seemed pleased to note that James Potter was nowhere in sight and Lily was sitting alone. James entered the Great Hall and rushed over to Lily. As the bespectacled Gryffindor dropped to one knee, Sev started to hyperventilate. “Lily Evans, will you marry me?” James asked. Sev ran out of the Great Hall before he could hear Lily’s answer._

_A Sev dressed in Death Eater robes watched in horror as a fellow Death Eater tortured a small Muggle girl. “Avery, stop it! She’s just a child,” he begged. The masked young man chuckled as he hit the child with another painful hex. “Snape, stop being such a Hufflepuff. I know this is your first raid, but you’re being pathetic. You’re not worthy of the Mark on your arm if you ask me—“_

_Sev stayed in the shadows of Flourish and Blotts as he spied on a heavily pregnant version of Lily who was flipping through a book of baby names. She was wearing a wedding band. “James, what do you think about the name ‘Harry’?” she asked a smiling James. The messy-haired man shrugged. “I still prefer ‘James Junior’, but it’s okay, I guess. Really, as long as the name you pick isn’t something ridiculous like ‘Severus’, I’m cool with it,” he joked. “Why would you even bring him up? James, you know I don’t like thinking about him and—“_

_Sev was sobbing in the Headmaster’s office. “Lily’s dead. You said you would protect her if I became your spy. The prophecy—it’s all my fault. She’s dead...I want to die!” Sev groaned as uncontrolled magic swirled around him. “Severus, the boy—Lily’s child. There’s still the boy. You need to protect him when Tom returns,“ the Headmaster said urgently. Sev shook his head. “The Dark Lord’s dead. The boy killed him—“_

_An older version of Sev dressed in black robes sat at the Hogwarts Head Table watching the first years being sorted. “Harry Potter,” an older Professor McGonagall called out. A boy who looked shockingly like James complete with the messy hair and round glasses approached the Sorting Hat. The boy’s eyes were the exact same shade of green as Lily’s. The boy put on the Sorting Hat and eventually it called out “Gryffindor!”. The older Sev watched the boy during the rest of the feast with intense loathing before sweeping out of the Great Hall in a billow of black robes._

_The older Sev was silently convulsing under the wand of Voldemort—the monster looked more inhuman than ever before. Voldemort dropped the arm holding the wand to his side and approached the writhing Sev. The snakelike man leaned over Sev and narrowed his red eyes. “Why did you take so long to return to me, Severus? Legilimens!”_

_In the Headmaster’s office, an exhausted Sev looked at a sickly Headmaster Dumbledore. The Headmaster began to speak. “It must be done, Severus. It’s the only way to secure your place in Tom’s ranks. Without a spy in the inner circle, the side of the Light is doomed,” he said gravely. Sev pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes for a long moment. When he opened his eyes, they were filled with tears. “I don’t want to kill you,” he murmured. The Headmaster hung his head before meeting Sev’s anguished eyes. “You must. It’s only a matter of time before the curse takes me—I am already dead. We must also consider your Unbreakable Vow to finish the task should young Malfoy fail—“_

_An enraged Sev was tearing apart the Headmaster’s office. “Severus, you must calm yourself,” a sicklier Headmaster begged. “Calm? You want me to be calm? You’ve raised the boy like a calf for the slaughter. You’ve had me protect Lily’s son all these years so that he can die at the right time,” Sev seethed before deflating. The Headmaster looked at Sev with a contemplative expression. “Don’t tell me now, that you’ve grown to care for the boy,” the Headmaster said. Sev met the Headmaster’s eyes and lifted his wand. He cast his Patronus, and a doe identical to Lily’s pranced around the room. “After all this time?” the Headmaster gasped. Severus’ expression became solemn. “Always,” he said._

_Sev was on top of the Hogwarts Astronomy Tower flanked by Death Eaters and staring at a cowering Headmaster Dumbledore. “Severus...please...” the Headmaster begged. Sev lifted his wand with a slight tremor. “Avada Kedavra—“_

_A drunken Severus stumbled around the Hogwarts Headmaster’s office ranting at the portrait of Headmaster Dumbledore. “Severus, you cannot allow your defenses to drop like this,” the portrait argued while Sev was catching his breath. Sev rounded on the portrait. “You can’t run my life anymore! You’re a bloody portrait. I’m Headmaster now. Headmaster Snape—the murderer of Albus Dumbledore and torturer of children,” Sev scoffed before continuing. “You said I would be able to protect the students once the Dark Lord gave me Hogwarts, but I can’t. I try my best, but with the Carrows spying on me, all I can do is make their torture a little less painful—“_

_Sev was lying in a pool of his own blood on the floor of a shack. There was a gaping wound on his neck and empty potion bottles surrounding him. He looked seconds away from death. A phoenix’s song filled the air and Headmaster Dumbledore’s phoenix flew through the broken window. The bird landed gently on Sev’s chest and wept over the gaping wound on his neck. There was a flash of blinding light._

_Sev was suddenly a teenager again and scowling at his reflection in a bathroom mirror. “Fucking phoenix,” he grumbled. He heaved a put upon sigh before storming out of the bathroom. He ignored calls of his name as he swept through the Slytherin dorms and made his way to the library. He scoured the shelves and selected book after book on the afterlife, phoenix tears, and time travel._

Lily was abruptly pushed out of the memories and found herself reeling at what she had just seen.

Sev was—

From the future?

There had been many shocking things in the memories he had inadvertently projected into her mind. However, the fact that he was some sort of time traveler from an alternate timeline where she married James and eventually died was the most shocking of them all. Second to that, the most shocking insight she had gained from those memories was the fact that Sev wasn’t really a Death Eater.

Sev wasn’t really a Death Eater.

Lily brought her hands to her mouth as her tears of worry turned into tears of relief.

She blinked away the tears as Sev sat up and hastily moved away from her until he was sitting with his back against the wall. His dark eyes stared at her in horror and his breathing was shallow. While his Dark Mark was completely healed, there were still bloody scratches all over his chest from when he had been furiously clawing at it.

“What,” Sev rasped, his voice raw from screaming. “What...did you see?”

“I...” Lily trailed off and wiped at her eyes.

“What did you see?” Sev asked with a shout as he started to shake.

“You’re...from the future.”

Sev closed his eyes as if he were in pain. He opened them and nonverbally summoned his wand. Lily immediately knew what he was going to do.

“I’m sorry,” Sev choked before pointing his wand at her. “Obli—“

“No!” Lily cried as she jumped out of the way of the spell. “Expelliarmus.”

Sev’s wand flew into her hand and the broken man began to hyperventilate.

“No...it’s not safe...it’s not...it’s not,” he said as his body stared to wrack with sobs.

Lily’s heart broke and she moved to comfort the trembling man. She knelt beside him and reached touched his shoulder. Sev shrunk away from her.

“Don’t touch me. I don’t deserve...”

“Sev...”

“I killed you. The prophecy.  It was...it was...my fault the Dark Lord killed you...”

Lily felt cold.

“Sev, I’m alive. I’m right here. I’m fine,” she reached for him again.

He scrambled away until he was leaning against an ancient clawfoot bathtub.

“No...you still died...you’re gone...”

“I’m right here,” she said firmly. “I’m right here with you.”

He froze and studied her for an intense moment. The strength of his gaze made Lily put up the crude Occlumency shields she was determined to improve as soon as possible—she would keep Sev’s secrets safe.

Lily waited for Sev to speak, but all he did was stare at her as tears and snot dried on his face. He looked awful, but Lily imagined that she did not look much better. Eventually, she moved towards Sev again. He scooted away from her and the expression on his face began to shudder.

Lily stopped in her tracks as she watched Sev’s face go from clearly anguished to a blank mask. She blinked and realized that the blank mask that had so unnerved her during the last two months of seventh year was most likely the result of Sev’s advanced Occlumency shields. The man before her had spent years spying on Voldemort—his shields had to be some of the strongest the Wizarding world had ever seen.

Sev was a time-traveling spy.

It sounded like the plot of a bad sci-fi film, but it did make the dramatic transformation he had suddenly gone through at Hogwarts make sense.

How old was he?

Lily bit her lip and focused on something more important than Sev’s real age.

“Are you alright? Is it your Dark Mark—“

Sev’s eyes flashed with an unknown emotion before they shuddered again.

“Mrs. Potter, I assure you that I am fine,” he clipped.

The way he spoke made him sound so old.

“Umm...I didn’t marry James. I’m surprised you didn’t see it in the Prophet...”

Sev’s Occlumency shields appeared to fall. The look of shock on his face assured Lily that deep down he was still the Sev she knew—at least she hoped some of that boy was in him somewhere.

“What?”

“James um...well...when I didn’t join the Order and he did, we grew apart,” she said trying to ignore the pain that the subject of her broken engagement caused. “And...well...he and another Order member got close. He got her pregnant and we broke up. They’re married now...”

“That’s impossible...you...you are meant to marry Potter.”

Lily glared at Sev.  “Obviously, I’m not.”

“You don’t understand—“

“I understand fine. You’re the one that’s clueless.”

Sev clenched his jaw and the tick under his right eye reminded Lily of the screaming rows they had often had when they were still friends. She had liked that about being friends with Sev— that he was volatile, moody, and unafraid to challenge her. Well, she had liked that until he had crossed a line—until he had called her that vile word.

James was the complete opposite of Sev. Aside from cheating on her, the Gryffindor had done everything in his power to keep her happy. He caved during almost every argument and—

She was not going to think about James.

“How am I ‘clueless’?” Sev snarled.                                  

Lily snorted.

It was like they were third years again fighting over whether Charms or Potions was the more useful subject. Sev truly hated “foolish wand waving” despite being excellent at it, and Lily had liked riling him up by pretending to be apathetic about Potions.

The deceptively young-looking man narrowed his eyes at her laughter. 

Lily rolled her eyes. “You did something to change the future,” Lily said primly. “Specifically, my future with James.”

A look of comprehension crossed Sev’s face before the blank mask finally returned.

Lily hated that mask.                                                                                            

She was about to say so when she heard the distant pop of Apparition.

Sev was on his feet in an instant and his wand flew to his hand.

He turned to Lily.

“Stay here,” he ordered before striding away.


	11. Severus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warning: Referenced dubious consent and rape. Torture.*
> 
> Also, my Albus Dumbledore is a bit grey.

**Chapter 11 (Severus)**

 

Severus found Albus Dumbledore standing in his sitting room dressed in revolting lime green robes accented with mustard yellow trim.

“Severus, is Miss Evans alright? My arrival was delayed by an urgent Order matter that could not be postponed.”

How had Dumbledore known that Lily was—

Oh.

Oh, Merlin.

She had summoned him after she had realized that she had been raped.

Severus wanted to die.

“She is—“ Sev felt his Occlumency shields starting to crack again. “She needs to be examined by a Healer.”

Dumbledore looked grave. “What happened?”

“She’s been sexually assaulted,” Severus said, forcing the words out. “I didn’t...I wasn’t in my right mind and—“

The Headmaster took in Severus’ half-dressed state and his blue eyes grew murderous. Severus allowed the older wizard to attack him—he deserved it. At that moment, he hoped that Dumbledore would go as far as killing him since he could barely stand the guilt. However, he knew the Headmaster would just badly injure him—the man would not give up his only spy. Severus was too valuable to lose even if he was a rapist.

“Maeror Meror!” Dumbledore shouted.

Severus was hit with a jet of red light.

He fell to the floor and started to convulse.                                 

Before he had fallen, Severus had recognized the curse Dumbledore had chosen to begin his punishment with. It was borderline-Dark and a favorite of the Headmaster when he wasn’t trying to hide his malicious side. It caused the victim to experience extreme mental anguish that not even the strongest Occlumency shields could prevent. As it forced the victim to relive the death of the person they had mourned the most, it also caused painful convulsions that were similar to a mild Cruciatus Curse.

Severus did not know how long Dumbledore held him under the curse. All he knew was pain. The physical pain was nothing to the mental torture he was going through, as he relived the moment he learned of Lily’s death over and over again.

He distantly heard his own screams but did not try to silence himself like he would have in front of the Dark Lord.

He allowed himself to scream in mourning for Lily.

“What the fuck are you doing?” a woman screamed and the painful curse stopped abruptly.

The woman sounded like Lily, but couldn’t be her because Lily was dead.

Lily was dead.

Severus curled up in a fetal position, closed his eyes, and sobbed.

“Miss Evans—“

“What did you do to him?” the woman said and Severus heard rapid descending footsteps on the stairs. He felt a hand petting his hair but didn’t open his eyes. “Shh...Sev...it’s okay. You’re safe now.”

“Miss Evans, please explain—“

The hand on his hair stopped and Severus whimpered.

“Explain?” the woman asked, enraged. “You want me to explain?”

“Yes,” Dumbledore said with forced calm.

The woman growled and Sev heard her standing up.

“I sent a Patronus to you because I needed you to help me heal Sev, and the moment you arrive you curse him! Why did you curse him?”

“He told me that you had been sexually assaulted, and said that he was the one who—“

“He told you that I had been...“ the woman sputtered. “He told you he raped me?”

“It was heavily implied.”

There was a tense beat of silence broken only by Severus’ muffled sobs.

“He didn’t!”

“Miss Evans, it is common for a victim of—“

“I am not a victim of anything!” she said with conviction. “Sev’s just an idiot.”

“I don’t quite understand—“

“Last night, Sev and I got drunk and shagged. He apparently doesn’t think the consent I gave was valid, because I was sloshed. Which is true I guess, but he was sloshed too and I truly wanted—”

Dumbledore heaved a heavy sigh. “I see.”

Severus groaned as an aftershock of the curse caused his body to twist out of his chosen position. He was instantly sprawled on his back and his head hit the hardwood floor with a sickening crack.

Then, there was darkness.


	12. Lily

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warning: Referenced dubious consent and rape. Aftermath of torture.*
> 
> This is the second chapter of the day.
> 
> So, please read the previous chapter if you missed it :)

**Chapter 12 (Lily)**

 

Sev was in a coma.

Albus Dumbledore had put Sev in a coma.

The Headmaster was supposed to be the leader of the Light, yet he had hit Sev with a curse that Madam Pomfrey considered Dark. Maybe, Lily should have felt touched that the Headmaster had such a violent reaction to the idea of her being raped, but she was too worried about Sev to feel anything but anger.

“Poppy, it’s not a Dark spell. It shouldn’t have—“

“Its intent is Dark!” Madam Pomfrey raged as she did her best to help Sev. “Just look what it did to this poor boy.”

“It doesn’t usually result in—“

Lily tuned out their argument, since she’d heard it all before.

Sev’s body was trying to recover from a head wound and heal his mind because Dumbledore had hit him with a mental torture curse shortly after Sev had a mental breakdown over “hurting” Lily. His brain had been unable to take any more stimulus and his advanced Occlumency shields had put his brain on “lock-down” while it tried to heal itself. Unfortunately, that “lock-down” included some parts of the brain needed to regulate vital bodily functions, and it was only Madam Pomfrey’s spells keeping him alive.

It had been three days since Sev had been put under her care, and the Healer was getting desperate. She was constantly fighting with Dumbledore and trying to get him to transfer Sev from his private room in the Hogwarts Hospital Wing to St. Mungos. However, the Dark Mark on Sev’s arm made Dumbledore refuse and the Healer reluctantly back down.

Madam Pomfrey had not seemed surprised to see the Mark on Sev’s arm when he had been initially brought in. Since graduation, Sev had been constantly described in the Prophet as an “Alleged Death Eater”. Anytime his potions accomplishments were published, the Prophet took care to mention that he had close ties to Lucius Malfoy and that he was suspected of being a follower of You-Know-Who.

Now, Madam Pomfrey knew for a fact that Sev was a Death Eater; however, Dumbledore had also informed her that Sev was a spy. After Dumbledore’s assertion that Sev was a spy, the Healer had glanced at Sev with distrust, and Lily had been so angry. It had taken everything in her not to lash out at the elderly witch for thinking the worst of Sev. It was hypocritical of her to feel such anger at the Healer, since she had thought the worst of Sev for so long, but that didn’t stop the burning rage in her gut.

Dumbledore had made both Lily and Madame Pomfrey make Unbreakable Vows. Professor McGonagall, the only person besides Dumbledore who had already known that Sev was a spy, acted as Bonder. The Vow stated that they would not to tell anyone about Sev being a spy until Voldemort was defeated and the war was won. Lily had agreed to take the Vow in a heartbeat, but she worried about what would happen if she or the others who knew about Sev being a spy were captured. What if the secret was ripped from their minds?

What if the fact that Sev was from the future was taken from her mind?

Lily had a feeling that she was the only one who knew Sev was from the future. She didn’t even think that Dumbledore knew. It just seemed like something Sev would keep completely to himself.

Maybe she should have let Sev erase her memory?

The possibility of Sev being killed because of her made Lily bite her lip raw as she numbly watched Pomfrey and Dumbledore argue from her seat at Sev’s bedside. Eventually, she got bored and turned her attention to the unconscious Sev.

She had refused to leave Sev’s side for the last three days.

She had set her parents an owl telling them that she was staying with a sick friend and asking them to contact the pub for her, and to send her some extra clothes via owl. Their reply included questions about why she hadn’t packed her own clothes and if she was reconsidering giving up magic since it was now past her deadline to “go Muggle” and she was still communicating by owl. Lily had not replied to question filled letter and had instead merely changed out of her makeshift toga and into a pair of jeans and a purple jumper, before rushing back to Sev’s bedside.

Lily didn’t notice when Dumbledore left, nor did she notice when a minutes later, Pomfrey was summoned to heal one of the few students staying at Hogwarts during winter break.

The day went on and Pomfrey forced Lily to eat and drink occasionally, and Lily stared at Sev trying to will the stubborn sod to wake up.

He didn’t.

Once a full week went by without any change in Sev’s condition, Madam Pomfrey forced an exhausted Lily to spend a night in the guestroom in her quarters. Lily was furious, but conceded that sleeping in something other than a chair would help her get some much needed sleep.

The next day, she woke up when it was past noon.

“She drugged me,” Lily realized, as she remembered how her tea had tasted a bit off.

Silently cursing the Healer, she threw on some clothes, cast a Disillusionment Charm on herself to avoid drawing attention to her presence and by extension Sev’s presence in the castle, and raced to the Hospital Wing.

Winter break had ended a few days ago, so Lily had a bit of difficulty avoiding running into students. It had only been a year since her graduation, so she recognized most of them. However, she had no desire to reveal herself just to make small talk with people who only liked her because she used to be Head Girl, dated James Potter, and was really good at pretending to be perfect. At least that’s why she thought they liked her. Only Sev and later James had ever gotten to know the _real_ her.

The real her hated parties and would never understand Quidditch no matter how many times someone tried to explain it to her. She was scared of most birds and still internally flinched around owls. She swore like a sailor, occasionally smoked Muggle cigarettes, hated all alcohol, wanted a tattoo but didn’t feel “cool enough for one”, had an addiction to Orange Fanta, and collected unicorn figurines. Sometimes she hated the color green since everyone insisted on buying her green things to match her eyes—even the toothbrushes her mother bought included a “green one for Lily”. She was completely tone-deaf, scared of her sister, obsessed with bad horror films, and her first crush had been Severus Snape when she was nine. Okay, neither Sev nor James had ever known that last thing, for two completely different reasons. However, they were still the two people who had gotten the closest to knowing all of her secrets.

Lily internally scolded herself for contemplating the false basis of her popularity while Sev was still in a coma—when there was a possibility that he would die.

Lily fought back tears and increased her speed.

The distraught redhead burst through the doors of the Hospital Wing heedless of any confused students seeing the doors open without seeing the person opening them—they could just think it was Peeves for all she cared. She made her way to the private ward at the back of the Hospital Wing and to the first door on the left. The wards were keyed in to her magical signature, and the door opened with ease.

She entered the room, cancelled the Disillusionment Charm, and found herself faced with a conscious Severus Snape.

She did not think twice about throwing herself into his arms.


	13. Severus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warning: Referenced dubious consent and rape. Aftermath of torture.*
> 
> This is the third chapter of the day.
> 
> So, please read the previous two chapters if you missed them :)

**Chapter 13 (Severus)**

 

Severus had been fully awake for two hours and Lily was suddenly hugging him.

He hugged her back on instinct.

Why was she touching him after what he had done to her?

He started to pull away and she squeezed him tighter.

“You’re an idiot,” she mumbled into his chest.

“What?”

Lily pulled back and glared at him. “You didn’t hurt me.”

“I—“

“Shut up. I wanted to shag you, so I did,” she snapped before wincing in embarrassment.

Severus was speechless.

When it became obvious he wasn’t going to respond a blushing Lily went on.

“Look, I know our friendship ended on horrible terms and you don’t like me like that—” she stopped abruptly as she seemed to remember something. Her eyes widened and she looked at him warily. “Why is your Patronus a doe?”

Severus closed his eyes and tried to fight back tears of shame.

His silence was a confession.

“Oh, Severus...”

The pity he heard in her voice broke him.

He pulled away from her so roughly that she was forced to stand.

“Get out.”

“Sev—“

“Get out!”

“No,” Lily seethed and Severus was forced to open his eyes. “I’m not leaving you. You need me. I’m the only one who knows that you’re...umm...that you’re a magical time-traveling spy.”

Severus glowered at Lily.

A “magical time-traveling spy”?

He had forgotten how ridiculous she was when she was a teenager.

Mourning and idolizing her for almost two decades had made him forget that she had been barely out of Hogwarts when she had died—that she was just as immature as his seventh year students. Now, he was faced with Lily while she was still in her teens, and he was starting to remember that she wasn’t the perfect angel the Wizarding world portrayed her as—that he had remembered her as. She was argumentative, immature, stubborn, and nonsensical half the time. However, Severus loved her just the same and he hated himself for it—he was pathetic.

“I should Obliviate you.”

“You won’t.”

The spy deflated. “No, I won’t.”

He turned his head away from her to star out the window. He could see the place where he had called Lily a “Mudblood” all those years ago. He narrowed his eyes at the spot and tried to make the nearby tree to burst into flames with his glare. It didn’t work.

He heard the sound of a chair being moved and turned to see Lily sitting by his bed anxiously fiddling with her wand. It was a dangerous nervous habit that Severus had tried to rid Lily of for years to no avail.

“You’re going to hex your hand off.”

“Merlin, you always say that but it never...” she trailed off and tears filled her eyes. “I’ve missed you, Sev.”

Severus swallowed and looked at his lap. He hid behind his hair so she wouldn’t see how affected he was by the fact that she had missed him. He was pathetic.

“I missed you too, Lily,” he murmured as he watched his tears stain his lap.

Lily cleared her throat. “I forgive you, for...um...for what happened in fifth year.”

Severus’s heart began to race and his head snapped up.

“I don’t deserve your forgiveness.”

“Sev, I overreacted—“

Severus locked eyes with Lily and cut her off.

“No. You were completely justified in your anger. Your assessment of my loyalties at the time of the incident was almost correct. While my use of that...slur...to describe your Muggleborn status was a slip of the tongue that happened when I was humiliated and angry, that does not mean that I had qualms about using the term to describe other Muggleborns who I did not care for. The repercussions of the incident caused me to instantly acquire a life-long aversion to the slur; however, I still joined the Death Eaters. You made the right choice that day, and I will never deserve your forgiveness.”

“You’re wrong.”

“No, I’m not. I’ve done unspeakable things, Lily. I’m not someone who deserves anyone’s forgiveness, let alone yours.”

There was an uncomfortable silence.

Lily bit her lip. “Your Patronus...”

“Is not an issue,” he snapped.

“Okay.”

The redhead nodded like the subject was dropped, but he knew that she’d think about it. She was Lily. She’d obsess over it and feel guilty for not returning his feelings, but eventually she’d let it go. She was not one to let other people’s emotions hold her back from living her life. If she were, she would have given up magic just to make her sister happy, and she never would have had a relationship with a bully. While Severus had always been Black and Potter’s primary target, he was far from their only one. Slytherin House was full of victims of James Potter’s cruelty until the Gryffindor’s dubious decision to “change” in his seventh year, something that Severus would never see as anything other than an attempt to impress Lily. Deep down, Severus knew his opinion was biased due to years of torment and heartbreak, but he didn’t fucking care.

Severus changed the subject. “Do you still remember the Occlumency that I taught you?”

“Yes. I still use it sometimes.”

“If possible, I would appreciate it if you would work on strengthening your shields.”

“I already planned to.”

“Thank you.”

“I’ll keep your secret. I took an Unbreakable Vow—“

“You what?” Severus shouted.

Lily was unaffected by his outburst. “I took an Unbreakable Vow not to tell anyone about the fact that you’re a spy until Voldemort,” Lily said, blinking as Severus flinched at the word ‘Voldemort’. “Until um...You-Know-Who is defeated and the war won. Something like that anyway. Why did you flinch when I said Voldemort?”

Severus flinched again and sighed.

“When the Dark Lord is referred to by that name, the Mark burns with such an intensity that I cannot Occlude away the pain or control my reaction to it.”

“Oh...”

Severus looked at Lily with resignation tinged with anger.

“You shouldn’t have taken that Vow. You should never take an Unbreakable Vow no matter the circumstances.”

“Just because you’re older doesn’t mean you can run my life. I’m an adult. I can make my own decisions.” Lily crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. “Stop talking to me like I’m a first year.”

“I apologize. It was not my intention to offend you.”

She uncrossed her arms. “It’s okay,” she said before studying him and tilting her head. “How old are you, anyway?”

“Nineteen as of tomorrow.”

“You know that’s not what I—fuck, I totally forgot about your birthday.”

Severus smirked. “I didn’t expect you to remember.”

“I’m a horrible friend.”

“We haven’t been friends for a very long time, Lily.”

Lily gave him an apprehensive look. “Can we be friends again?”

“That’s not a good idea. It’s not safe—“

“I told you that I’m not leaving you,” Lily said stubbornly. “You need me. I can help you—”

Severus braced himself for what he had to do.

He had to push her away in order to keep her safe.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he snapped in the voice that never failed to make first years cry. “How do you expect to help me? How do you possibly think you’d be anything but a burden?”

“I—“

“What skills do you have? You’re a barmaid. You’re nothing.”

Lily’s lower lip trembled. “Stop it. I know what you’re trying to do. You can’t push me away—“

“Ah, so you’re a Seer now? Or perhaps that was mind-reading and you are a Legilimens? Either way your skills are of no use to me. I detest the former and am already the latter.”

“Sev—“

“I told the Headmaster to rescind his offer for you to join the Order.”

Lily froze. “You...you what?”

“I deemed it too dangerous for you and told Dumbledore that if he wanted me as a spy, he had to make sure that you never joined the Order.”

“You had no right!”

Severus smirked cruelly. “Oh, I had every right. I’m the Order’s only spy. I can ask for anything I want.”

“You’re the reason—that’s why James cheated,” Lily breathed, devastation in her eyes. “You did that. You separated us and I lost James.”

“A happy accident. It was not my intention to break up your marriage to that swine before it began, but for once fate smiled on me. Potter could not handle the frequent separation and grew tired of you—“

“Shut up.”

“He found comfort in the arms of another woman—“

“Stop it.”

“And he stopped loving you.”

Lily let out a strangled sob and fled the room, and Severus felt no pleasure in the fact that his plan to push her away had succeeded.

Severus stayed in the Hospital Wing for another week.

Lily did not return.


	14. Severus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warning: Referenced murder-suicide.*
> 
> This is the fourth chapter of the day.
> 
> So, please read the previous three chapters if you missed them :)

**Chapter 14 (Severus)**

 

Severus pushed all thoughts of Lily from his mind. He Occluded away her forgiveness and desire to rekindle their friendship. He forced himself to forget the fragments of their drunken night together, and life went on.

The war went on.

Dumbledore was wary of Severus. Overly apologetic for almost killing him, yet firm in his belief that having Lily take an Unbreakable Vow was the right thing to do. The spy realized for the umpteenth time that the Headmaster was a fool.

Severus had no luck locating any more horcruxes, and still did not know the identity of all of them. He cursed the Dumbledore he killed for never disclosing everything he knew about the horcruxes, and he cursed the present Dumbledore for hiding his ongoing discoveries about them from him.

At Death Eater meetings, he forced himself to keep his eyes from wandering to Nagini. He perfected his antivenin and always carried a bezoar. When sleep eluded him, he concocted plans to kill the serpent horcrux when the time was right.

By the end of February, the spy finished his Potions Mastery in record-breaking time, and finally got out from under the thumb of the dunderheaded Master Mulpepper. He quit his job at the Knockturn Alley branch of Mr. Mulpepper's Apothecary, and started brewing and selling potions from Spinner’s End. He didn’t have much time for new research, but began to republish two decades worth of his research—all rewritten and retested. The academic world hailed him as a potions prodigy, and the spy didn’t give a fuck. Their praise was based on a lie, and he had more important things to concern himself with. Although, the jealousy of his peers was something he couldn’t help but relish.

Severus’ fame for being the youngest Potions Master that Britain had seen in over two-hundred years had an unwanted side effect. The Dark Lord began to treat him like a favored child, and Severus was forced to spend more time alone with the monster than he ever had to during the first time he fought the in the First War. However, the extra time he had to endure with the Dark Lord never furthered his efforts in spying, since the war was never mentioned. Instead, the megalomaniac spent this time asking Severus questions about his potions research and teaching him how to fly without a broom—something that the spy already knew how to do but carefully pretended to “learn”.

On a cold day in March, the Dark Lord bestowed an “honor” on Severus that he could not refuse.

It was a Sunday, and Severus had just finished preventing the gas leak that had killed both Mr. and Mrs. Evans during the first time the spy had lived through 1979. He arrived at Lestrange Manor and was greeted by a seething Bellatrix Lestrange. He smirked at the jealous witch and billowed past without properly greeting her. He made his way through the dark corridors of the manor until he arrived at the parlor the Dark Lord preferred. It was on the second floor and had an attached balcony that they could use when the snakelike man wanted to instruct Severus in flying.

It was early evening and the setting sun washed the dimly lit room with streaks of orange. The Dark Lord sat by the fire in finely tailored robes sipping elf-made wine out of a crystal chalice. At first glance, the wine looked like blood. The Dark Lord put down his wine and greeted his Potions Master.

“Severus, thank you for coming.”

“I was honored to be summoned, my Lord.”

The Dark Lord motioned for Severus to sit and poured the Potions Master a chalice of wine. Severus took it with a bow of his head, and took a sip of the overly sweet wine.

“How is your research coming?”

“Satisfactory, my Lord.”

“You’re still working on an improved version of Veritaserum?”

“Yes, my Lord.”

“You will not publish your improved formula. The Ministry is not yet completely mine. We cannot risk such a weapon getting into their hands.”

“Of course, my Lord.”

“Father.”

Severus blinked.

He waited for an explanation for the non sequitur, but none came.

He hesitated before speaking, bracing for a Crucio for daring to question his master.

“My Lord, my apologies, but I do not understand what are you referring—“

The Dark Lord smiled at Severus, and the spy repressed a shudder.

“I wish for you to call me ‘Father’.”

Blood rushed in Severus’ ears, as the Dark Lord began to explain.

“We are alike, you and I. Brilliant and driven, yet disadvantaged due to our unworthy fathers,” the Dark Lord said, hinting at his hidden half-blood status. “I see myself when I look at you. At only nineteen, you carry yourself with control that men twice your age fail to achieve, and possess power that, with the right cultivation, can one day rival my own. I wish to make you my heir. You shall be my second-in-command for eternity.”

Severus couldn’t breathe.

He tightened the grip on his wand and answered the only way he could.

“I’d be honored...Father.”

The Dark Lord stood and embraced Severus—his touch was cold.           

Severus’ parents were both dead—a murder suicide committed by his father the summer before his seventh year. Therefore, no murders had to be committed before the ritual could begin.

The Dark Lord used his wand to create a circle of Fiendfyre that surrounded them and somehow didn’t burn a hole through the floor. Oaths were said, blood was mixed, and their magic was briefly merged. The Dark bonding ritual used for the magical adoption did not involve changing his name and would thankfully not be recognized by any Ministry. However, despite the dubious legality of the adoption—Severus’ magic recognized it as valid. His magic was now drawn to that of the Dark Lord the way it had always felt an affinity for his mother’s magic. The Dark Lord ended the ritual by pressing the tip of his wand to Severus’ Dark Mark until it drew blood and muttering in Parseltongue. The Dark Mark began to glow a vibrant green before returning to black. The Dark Lord canceled the Fiendfyre and embraced Severus once more.

When Severus met with the Headmaster that night, he did not tell him of the magical adoption—that after the Dark Lord’s death, he would have the power to summon the Death Eaters to his side.

He refused to mark himself as Albus Dumbledore’s next great enemy. He would sooner die than become the next Dark Lord, but he knew the Headmaster would not take any chances. Severus’ Unbreakable Vow ensured that he would fight for the Light until Tom Riddle was vanquished. After that, he was a free agent. Other Unbreakable Vows could be made, but Dumbledore would choose to kill Severus rather than risk another loophole—he would sacrifice his only spy to “save” the Wizarding world from the next Dark Lord.

No.

He would not tell the Headmaster that he was Tom Riddle’s heir—that he was the Dark Lord’s “son”.

If the Headmaster could keep secrets about the war, he could too. He knew that the truth would come out after the war. However, by then he would be dead.

Severus had fought two wars against the Dark Lord, and had barely survived both.

He would not be lucky enough to survive a third.

However, he was determined to survive long enough to ensure it was won by the Light.  


	15. Lily

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the fifth chapter of the day.
> 
> So, please read the previous four chapters if you missed them :)

**Chapter 15 (Lily)**

 

It was late March, and Lily was once again vomiting shortly after finishing her breakfast.

In the back of her mind, Lily knew what this along with her missed monthly cycles meant. However, she refused to believe it. She wasn’t pregnant. She was just a stressed-out nineteen-year-old with a mild but persistent case of the flu.

The redhead stood and made her way to the sink. She brushed her teeth to rid herself of the taste of bile, but the taste did not completely go away. Instead, it became tinged with mint. She brushed her teeth one more time, and looked in the mirror. She sighed at the bags under her eyes—she was exhausted. She lifted her wand and cast a simple Glamour.

Lately, Lily had been casting loads of Glamours and other spells. She had given up on “going Muggle”, the moment she had learned Sev’s secrets. She couldn’t give up her magic if she wanted to keep Sev’s secrets safe, and she was determined to do just that.

Lily was pissed at Sev and thought he was a right bastard for pushing her away so cruelly. Even if he was just trying to protect her, he had crossed a line. He also had no right to interfere with her joining the Order. If she had joined the Order she and James would still be—

Actually, she couldn’t imagine being with James now.

She still loved him, but—

It was over.

James was married to another woman and wasn’t coming back.

She was slowly getting over him.

However, that did not mean that Sev was off the hook for meddling with her life. She got that his meddling was supposed to “keep her safe”, but she was an adult—she could make her own decisions. She knew that his Patronus was a doe like hers. She understood what that meant, and why that would make him overprotective. 

Sev was—

Lily bit her lip and began to force the thought away.

No.

She was a Gryffindor.

“Sev’s in love with me,” she told her refection, and was overcome with a wave of guilt.

She didn’t feel the same.

With a sigh, she made her way to her bedroom, closed the door a bit too loudly, and flopped onto her bed. She blindly reached over to her bedside table and picked up the book on Occlumency that she read religiously every day. After an hour of reading, she moved on to her mental shield exercises. When her mind was thoroughly exhausted, she went back to reading. 

It was hard to tell if her Occlumency was improving, since she didn’t have a tutor to try to penetrate her mind and test her defenses. Occlumency was a rare skill and the only Occlumens she knew of with skills in Legilimency was Sev, and he was busy trying not to die. He didn’t have time to tutor her. Plus, being seen with a Muggleborn would be bad for his cover as a Death Eater—that was the main reason why Lily had stayed away from him for all these months. The other reason why Lily had stayed away was because Sev was a bastard and should not have been so bloody cruel.

Tears stung Lily’s eyes and she set down her book to wipe them away.

“Fucking bastard,” she muttered. “You come back into my life only to push me away. But, you’re right. We can’t be friends. It’s not safe for you.”

The redhead groaned.

Sev had turned her into a crazy person who talked to herself.

Git.

She still missed him though

Truthfully, she had been missing him for years.

Lily moved to lie back on her bed and stared at her ceiling—it needed dusting. There was a cobweb in the corner that she could get rid of with the flick of a wand if she cared enough. She didn’t. She stared at the cobweb while trying to decide how to spend the day.

It was her day off, so she didn’t have to be at the pub. She had decided not to bother getting her A-levels, so she wasn’t going to study for them. Reading her Occlumency book all day would drive her insane, and she was friendless at the moment. Peter was dead, and the rest of the Marauders had not tried to send her any more letters—not that she wanted one from James. The rest of her “friends” from Hogwarts weren’t really friends. Maybe she could try to find a coworker to hang out with? Nancy didn’t usually work on Wednesdays—

There was a knock at her bedroom door.

“Lily, sweetheart,” her mother’s voice called. “Can I come in?”

“Uh...sure,” Lily called.

Lily’s mother, Rose Evans, entered the room. The homemaker’s expression was grave. She looked like an older version of Lily except with brown hair and hazel eyes. Lily’s striking coloring mirrored her father’s.

When she noticed her mother’s serious expression, Lily sat up.                      

“Mum, what’s wrong?”

Her mother hesitated in the doorway before walking over to her daughter’s bed.

“Lily, I need to ask you something.”

“Okay...”

Mrs. Evans took a shaky breath. “Sweetheart, is it possible you could be pregnant?”

Lily’s heart started to race as her mother forced her to contemplate the signs that she had been ignoring for months. Her hands started to shake and she turned them into fists in an attempt to make them stop. As panic descended, she did not think of putting up Occlumency shields to help her calm down—she was too busy thinking of what she could remember of her night with Sev. Flashes of falling clothes, naked flesh, and passionate kisses filled her mind. She closed her eyes and willed herself to calm down—it didn’t work.

She opened her eyes and met her mother’s heartbroken gaze.

“Mum...” Lily choked out.                                                                                                          

Mrs. Evans quickly brought her youngest daughter into a hug. She whispered assurances at her daughter and smoothed her auburn hair.

“It’s okay, if you are. Your father and I...well, when you moved in with James, it was pretty obvious that you would be having...um...what I mean is you are an adult, so if you are dating someone new...um...certain activities can happen,” her mother took a shaky breath. “What I am trying to say is that we’ll be here for you no matter what.”

Lily hugged her mother tighter.

“Sweetheart, are you...”

The Gryffindor sniffed. “I don’t know.”

“But it’s possible?”

“Yeah,” she said into her mother’s chest.

“Do you want me to make you a doctor’s appointment? I don’t know if there’s a magical way to tell if—”

“There is,” Lily said, as she pulled away from her mother. “I know the spell.”

The redhead wiped her eyes and rose from her bed. She retrieved her wand from her bedside table, and took a deep breath. Her mother watched silently as Lily steeled herself.

Lily cast the Pregnancy Detection Charm.

The redhead was encased in white light for a moment until it all shifted to settle in front of the young witch’s stomach.

Lily bit her lip as she waited the required five minutes for the light to change color.

Pale yellow for negative.

Bright blue for positive.

The young witch stared down at her stomach and prayed for yellow.

She eventually wanted to become a mother, but there was a war going on. Plus, she was unmarried. Even if she had the help of her parents, being a single mother would be hard. She didn’t have a very good job, and she didn’t want to force her parents to financially support her. They were already letting her live with them rent-free. Also, she had to consider Sev.

If she was pregnant, Sev was definitely the father.

He was technically a Death Eater. What would Voldemort do to him if he found out that Sev had gotten a Muggleborn pregnant? If she was pregnant, it would be best to get rid of—

No.

Lily knew she didn’t have it in herself to get an abortion. It just wasn’t for her. Even if getting rid of the baby would help keep Sev safe, she wouldn’t be able to do it.

The young witch needed the light to turn yellow.

It turned blue.


	16. Lily

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the sixth chapter of the day.
> 
> So, please read the previous five chapters if you missed them :)

**Chapter 16 (Lily)**

 

In June, Lily stopped being able to hide her pregnancy under loose jumpers.

She was in her sixth month of pregnancy, and her formally small baby bump seemed to have doubled in size. When Petunia arrived for Mr. Evans’ birthday dinner, she had noticed Lily’s condition immediately. Realizing that her unmarried little sister had managed to conceive before her, she had gone into a rage.

“Daddy, I can’t believe you’re letting this whore stay here—“

“That’s enough, Petunia,” John Evans growled. “If you insist on insulting your sister, I will not have you or your husband in this house.”

Lily put her face in her hands and cried. She had ruined her dad’s birthday. Her mum had worked so hard to cook a special dinner and—

The front door slammed, and Lily curled up on the sofa.

“Tiger Lily, are you okay?”

The young witch looked up into green eyes identical to her own and shook her head. Her father did not hesitate to sit beside her and pull her into his arms. He held her silently until she calmed down.

“I’m sorry I ruined your birthday—“

“Nonsense. My birthday isn’t ruined.”

“But—“

“That oaf, Vernon, is gone. I consider that an improvement.”

“Still—“

The older redhead kissed his daughter’s forehead.

“It’s not your fault, honey.”

The pregnant witch bit her lip and looked away. It was her fault. She was the one who had stopped taking her contraceptive potion when she had broken off her engagement. She was the one who had been too drunk to cast a simple Contraception Charm. Sev forgot the charm too, but she didn’t blame him. He couldn’t even recognize her let alone remember a charm.

Lily’s mother came into the sitting room and told them that dinner was ready, with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes.

Dinner was a relatively quiet affair until the end.

Mr. Evans talked about his job at the bank. Mrs. Evans explained her plans for the vegetable garden. Lily told her parents about her ongoing difficulties finding a new job.

“I regret quitting now. Really, working at the pub wasn’t so bad—“

“You were right to quit, sweetheart. A woman and your condition should not work in a place like that,” Mrs. Evans said with conviction.

“I know,” Lily sighed. “It’s just...nobody wants to hire me because I’m pregnant. I need money for the baby and—“

“What about the baby’s father?” Mr. Evans asked with thinly veiled anger. “He’s financially responsible as well. Shouldn’t he—“

“John, don’t bring that up. It’s your birthday. We’re trying to have a nice dinner—“

Lily flinched when her usually levelheaded father slammed his hand on the dining room table.

“No, Rose,” Lily’s father seethed. “We’ve been avoiding this issue for over a month. Somebody ruined our baby girl’s life, and we have the right to know who he—“

The pregnant young witch stood, left the dining room, and fled the house. Her parents were so engrossed in their argument that they didn’t even notice her departure. She wiped her eyes as she walked aimlessly towards the center of town.

She couldn’t stand hearing her parents argue. Before they found out that Lily was pregnant, they had barely argued. Now, they couldn’t go a day without screaming at each other. In her opinion, she was ruining their marriage.

It was early evening and the sun was setting in the sky, but that didn’t make Lily turn around. She needed some fresh air. Since quitting her job, she only left the house for interviews and doctor’s appointments.

Since she didn’t want anyone in the Wizarding world to learn of her pregnancy, she was seeing a Muggle doctor. According to her research, magical pregnancies were almost identical to Muggle ones. If they weren’t, it would be impossible for Muggle women to give birth to Muggleborn children without the guidance of a Healer.

Lily stopped walking, briefly put her hands protectively on her stomach, and decided on her destination.

She turned right, and started walking towards the local Tesco.

The grocery store was in bad need of remodeling, as were most buildings in Cokeworth that weren’t in the affluent area where Lily’s family lived. Lily weaved her way through the aisles trying to decide how to spend the ten pounds in her pocket. She had wanted to pick up prenatal vitamins since she was almost out, but the store didn’t carry the brand she wanted. Instead, she decided to buy something that her parents might like. Maybe some ice-cream to go with the birthday cake her mother had baked?

Lily made her way to the frozen food section and stared at the cartons of ice-cream.

She had just selected a carton of strawberry, when she saw the last person on the planet she wanted to see—well, the last person after Voldemort.

Sev was standing three feet away from her frowning at the frozen dinners.

In her shock, Lily dropped the ice-cream and it hit the floor with a thud.

Sev looked up at the sound, and froze when he saw Lily. His eyes widened as he took in her stomach. His sallow skin became deathly pale, and he began to slowly approach her.

Fuck.

Lily wanted to flee but her legs wouldn’t move.

Soon, Sev was before her. His shields were down and she could make out the fear in his eyes. Lily felt a flash of anger that Sev’s first reaction to her pregnancy was fear, but she suppressed it. It was an understandable reaction, and had been Lily’s as well. Plus, Sev was a spy and was in a very precarious position so—

“Is it mine?”

Lily looked at Sev’s now blank face and the anger returned.

“Of course, it’s yours,” she snapped, a bit irrationally.

It wasn’t like they were dating.

A little old lady by the peas turned to watch them with interest, and Lily blushed with embarrassment.

Her life had become a soap opera.

Sev ran a hand through his greasy hair. “How the fuck did this happen?” he hissed.

Lily smirked. “Well, Sev, when two people of the opposite sex shag, sometimes—"

“This is not the time for jokes—“

“Don’t you think I know that?” Lily asked angrily. “I’ve been dealing with this for months without you. You’ve only known about it for two minutes.”

Sev’s blank mask fell and the look of betrayal in his eyes made Lily feel like the worst person ever.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I—“

Lily’s answer was cut off by the sound of two dozen Apparitions.


	17. Severus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the seventh chapter of the day.
> 
> So, please read the previous six chapters if you missed them :)
> 
> Also, this is the last written chapter that I have saved on my computer. Therefore, from now on, my updates will unfortunately not be as frequent. I will also most likely only post one chapter at a time :( 
> 
> Still, I will do my best to update soon <3 Thanks to everyone who has stuck around despite my soap opera of a plot :)

**Chapter 17 (Severus)**

 

Death Eaters.

There were around two dozen Death Eaters storming the Muggle store, and Severus needed to get Lily somewhere safe. He grabbed her arm and pulled out his wand. He was about to Apparate them to his home, when Lily pulled out of his grasp.

“No!”

“You need to get somewhere safe—“

“I’m pregnant,” she reminded him.                                                                     

Severus lowered his wand.

Fuck.

After the first trimester, witches could not Apparate or risk miscarriage. Lily was clearly well into her second trimester, and—

“What do we have here?” a crazed female voice asked.

Double fuck.

Severus grabbed Lily’s arm again and pulled her behind him, as the masked Death Eater took off her mask and slid it into the folds of her robes.

The sound of curses and screaming Muggles filled the air, and there was an explosion in the distance.

The spy met Bellatrix Lestrange’s wild eyes.

“Bella,” he said coldly.

“Does your _father_ know that you like to play Muggle? That you dress like one and—”

“He is aware that I live in a Muggle neighborhood.”

“That doesn’t—“

“Obviously, I must dress the part.”

“Your choice to reside among vermin shames the Dark Lord—“

“I choose to live among Muggles in order to study our greatest enemy—“

“The Dark Lord may be blind enough to believe that excuse, but I know that—“

“Are you questioning my father’s wisdom?” Severus asked with dangerous calm. “Are you calling him a fool?”

Bella gaped like a fish. “I—“

Severus narrowed his eyes. “Is this raid authorized?”

The Dark witch faltered.

“Is it authorized?” Severus growled. “Did my father send you here?”

He smirked when she hesitated. Bella was in charge of training the new recruits. Her penchant for torture made her ideal. She had clearly gotten bored of the Lestrange Manor’s dungeons and had taken her charges on a “field trip”. He had no doubt that she had chosen Cokeworth as the destination solely because it was the town where Severus lived—she had conveniently “forgotten” that the Dark Lord had banned raids in the Muggle town where his “son” resided.

As the Dark Lord’s whore, Bella was able to get away with more than the average Death Eater could ever hope to. She liked to push the limits of the Dark Lord’s patience in order to keep his attention. She was like a child misbehaving to gain the attention of a parent—it was sick.

“Did he send you here?” he repeated.

“No...”

“Of course, he didn’t. My father has made raids in this town off-limits as long as I reside here,” Severus spat. “How am I supposed to conduct research if you burn the place to the ground?” 

The Dark Lord’s newfound need to indulge the every whim of his “son” had a few unforeseen benefits. The megalomaniac truly did not see Muggles worthy of study. However, when Severus had respectfully declined moving into one of the Malfoy’s surplus French manors because he needed to “study Muggles”, the Dark Lord had reluctantly agreed to allow his “son” to continue to reside in Cokeworth. When Severus had pushed his luck a bit and requested that there be no raids in the town in a veiled attempt to keep Lily and her family safe, he had been pleasantly surprised when the Dark Lord had agreed.

Severus’ reasoning for staying in Cokeworth had nothing to do with “studying Muggles” and everything to do with the fact that Severus was a creature of habit. Spinner’s End was a dump, but it was his dump. Furthermore, his home was close to Lily. Even though he never saw her, just knowing that she was alive and well in the same town helped keep his tattered soul from completely tearing apart. Furthermore, he wanted to be close to her just in case she ever needed him—

Severus glanced away from the fidgeting Dark witch, and turned to quickly glance at Lily who was clutching the back of his grey Muggle coat. He had failed to be there for her despite living in the same town. For the past five months, he had done such a good job avoiding her that he had been unaware that their drunken night together had resulted in a child.

Lily was carrying _his_ child.

This had always been his dream. For years, he had looked upon Harry Potter and thought, “He should have been mine”. However, in this twisted reality, having a child with Lily was a nightmare. Carrying his child made Lily a target. He did not care if it compromised his position as a spy—Dumbledore could figure something else out. What he cared about was the possibility of Lily once again dying because of him.

Severus sneered at Bella, who was still sputtering and had turned her attention on the cowering Lily.

He wanted nothing more than to Obliviate the witch, but there were too many Death Eaters that would witness it. He could not Obliviate two dozen Death Eaters—he was powerful, but he was still only one wizard. He just had to hope the crazy witch did not ask why he was shielding a pregnant woman—it was too much to hope.

“Who is that?” the Dark witch asked, finally finding her voice and abandoning Severus’ previous question.

“She is none of your concern,” he said with too much conviction that Bella quickly focused on.

“Wait...is she your whore?” she cackled. “You have a Muggle whore?”                                      

In an instant, Severus had his wand on Bella. “She is not a w—“

“I’m not a Muggle,” Lily said, cutting Severus off and moving to stand beside him.

Severus was breathing hard still aiming his wand between Bella’s eyes. It was not a logical thing to do—he should have been keeping calm and trying to salvage his cover as a Death Eater. However, when it came to Lily—he lost all sense.

“A Mudblood?” Bella scoffed. “You’re still vermin.”

“How do you know? I could be a half-blood or—“

Severus grabbed Lily’s hand and pulled the reckless witch behind him.

The sounds of Muggle police sirens caused Severus to turn away from Bella. They were close enough to the flashing lights through the large front windows. The Cokeworth police force was small, and was about to become even smaller. Severus buried the regret this caused.

There was a scattering of pops of Apparition and a handful of Aurors appeared.

Surprisingly, this seemed to worry Lily.

“Sev, you need to get out of here.”

Severus looked down at Lily in confusion. Why in Merlin’s name was she worried about Aurors when there were dozens of Death Eaters ransacking a Tesco? Why would she—

Oh.

She was worried that he’d be arrested. He was a well-known “alleged Death Eater”. Even if he was seen dressed in Muggle clothing, his presence at a Death Eater raid would be suspicious. He’d be arrested on the spot. Once they saw the Dark Mark, he’d be off to Azkaban.

Well, he was going to Azkaban then, because there was no way in hell he was going to abandon Lily. Severus squeezed Lily’s hand and was about to tell her just that. However, before he could, Bella lunged for him.

He felt the pull of a Portkey and cursed.

Severus, Lily, and Bella arrived in the entrance hall of Lestrange Manor, and Lily immediately began to retch.

Portkeys were thankfully safe to use during all stages of pregnancy, but they caused nausea in almost all users that was further amplified during pregnancy. He rubbed Lily’s back and held her hair back as she vomited on the Lestrange’s priceless rug.

“Disgusting,” Bella sneered, before storming away to inform the Dark Lord of Lily. 

Severus ignored her and focused on helping the retching redhead.

His mind was racing. He was furious at himself for not forcing Lily into hiding, or at least providing her with an emergency Portkey to the Headmaster’s office. He had worked so hard at not thinking about Lily that he had failed to protect her. He had focused all his efforts on burying the pain of pushing her away again. He had been selfish and too secure in the fact that Lily was living in the Muggle world—that she was away from the fighting.

He had been a fool, and now Lily was going to die.

No.

He would not allow that.

There had to be some way to get the Dark Lord to spare her.

In another lifetime, the Dark Lord had been interested in recruiting her despite her Muggleborn status. The first time she and Potter had defied the Dark Lord was when they had refused to join the Dark Lord—had that already happened? It didn’t matter. What mattered was that Lily was a very powerful witch. Even if she was a Muggleborn the Dark Lord would be pleased with such a powerful follower.

Yes.

This could work.

It had to work.

If she hadn’t been pregnant, he would have Apparated her away and openly defected from the Death Eaters without a second thought. However, Apparating was not an option. There was no way to escape with Lily fast enough. He had stupidly left his emergency Portkey at home with his Wizarding robes, and even if he tried to fly away—the risk was too great. The wards encasing the grounds of Lestrange Manor were too volatile.

His only hope was to present Lily to the Dark Lord and have him accept her into the fold—that he would not risk using Legilimency on the witch carrying his “grandchild” for fear of causing too much mental strain. There was no risk that Lily would be given the Dark Mark in her condition, since the ritual often killed recruits too weak to stand the pain. Therefore, there would be no link to the Dark Lord that would prevent her from successfully going into hiding once they were safely off the grounds of Lestrange Manor. When this horrible ordeal was over, Severus would Apparate her straight to Hogwarts.

He cast a nonverbal Muffliato, helped Lily stand, and gently held her by the shoulders.

Fearful green eyes met desperate black.

“Sev?”            

“Tell the Dark Lord that you wish to follow him, and go along with whatever I say.”

“Sev, I don’t think—“

“For the baby. Do it for the baby.”

_Do it for me and the baby. You have to survive this._

Lily bit her lip and looked up at Severus.

“Please,” the spy begged.

“Okay.”

Severus canceled the Muffliato, transfigured their Muggle clothing into black robes, grasped Lily’s hand, and took her to meet his master.


End file.
